I recently came across a series of interviews with women in their twenties who were commenting on the current dating scene. Most of the women being interviewed were using dating sites and apps like Tinder which have been criticized for promoting casual “hookups” instead of meaningful relationships. Some of these young women were lamenting the fact that they’d lost track of the number of sexual partners they’d had in the previous twelve months, and many of the men on these dating apps would order a “date” the way he would order a pizza…”I’m looking for a petite redhead who is into...”
These women couldn’t remember the last time a man had sent them flowers, but ALL of them had received text messages with explicit sexual images from men. These young women seemed to long for more meaningful relationships, but in the modern dating scene, they didn’t know where to begin. They didn’t seem to fully realize that they were being shaped by an unhealthy cultural mindset anymore than a fish in the ocean doesn’t realize that he’s wet…it’s simply the only world they know.
Their experience is certainly NOT the experience of every person who is out there dating, but sadly, their experience seems to be becoming more the norm than the exception.
I believe that we have both the power and the responsibility to change the modern approach to dating or else we may run the risk of forfeiting the true meaning of love, the commitment of marriage and the stability of family for future generations. It all begins with understanding some of the dangerous mindsets that are being adopted by many in the modern dating scene.
1. Modern dating tends to create a “Hookup Culture” which treats the opposite sex as an object to be used instead of a soul to be cherished.
When we approach relationships with purely carnal intentions and selfish goals, we dehumanize ourselves and we also dehumanize the objects of our lust. True love can’t possibly exist in this kind of mindset.
2. Modern dating defines love as a feeling instead of a commitment.
In my new book The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships the first chapter is all about how love is a commitment much more than a feeling. The strength of our commitment will always determine the strength of a relationship. If our relationships are based solely on feelings (which are fickle), then our relationships (even our marriages) will never be built on a solid foundation.
3. Modern dating encourages people to “play a role” instead of simply being themselves.
In our social-media driven culture, we’re constantly tempted to manage our public image and refine that image if it isn’t getting the popularity or attention we desire. Many people go through relationships and never let their guards down. People never get the chance to know and love the real you when you’re always playing a different character. True love requires transparency and authenticity. True love also require complete honesty. Don’t be impressed by what someones posts online; be impressed by what he/she is doing when nobody is watching.
4. Modern dating devalues the significance of marriage.
Many in our modern world think of marriage as an outdated and antiquated idea, but we need it more than ever. In my article on 7 reasons why marriage STILL matters I point out some of the cultural, practical and even spiritual reasons why we need to elevate the value of marriage. Dating just for the sake of dating will do more harm than good. We were created for so much more, so let’s stop lowering our standards.
If this post helped you, please share it using the links below so we can help others too!