
4. Focusing on your spouse’s flaws instead of his/her strengths.
Whatever you choose to focus on will start to seem bigger and everything else will seem smaller by comparison. I sometimes ask audiences to participate in an exercise where we measure how observant we are. I ask them to look around the room and mentally log every item they see that’s the color red. After five seconds, I ask them to close their eyes and with eyes remaining closed I ask them to say out loud every item they just saw that’s the color blue. There’s usually just silence and some laughter. Nobody saw blue until they open their eyes again even though the room was full of blue the whole time. The point is that we tend to see only what we’re looking for. Jesus taught “seek and your will find.” Make sure you’re seeking the right things. Look for the good; not the bad. Be your spouse’s biggest encourager. Not their biggest critic.
#5 is probably the #1 leading cause of divorce and unhappy marriages…