5 ways wives hurt their husband’s feelings on accident

5 ways wives hurt their husband’s feelings on accident August 12, 2015

sad man


Before you read the article, download our brand new Marriage App for iPhones and iPads by clicking here and you’ll get immediate access to marriage ebooks, relationship-building content plus some communication tools to help you and your spouse stay connected.

marriage app

I’m going to make a confession to you. It’s a confession many men will try to deny, but it’s the truth. Here it is…we men get our feelings hurt a lot more than we admit. Wow. I already feel a sense of relief now that this HUGE secret if off my chest!

We tend to create gender stereotypes where women are more “emotional,” but both men and women are emotional beings. Yes, women often are more outwardly demonstrative with their emotional expression while men tend to internalize, but both genders get their feelings hurt at about the same rate.

Sometimes, we hurt each other on purpose (which is never justified), but very often in marriage, a husband and wife can hurt each other’s feelings by accident. Below are a few examples of the primary ways women unknowingly hurt their husband. I’ll see if I can get my amazing wife Ashley to write a post on the MANY ways we men tend to hurt women’s feelings.

A wife can hurt her husbands feelings (on accident) when…

1. She double-checks or corrects his work on simple tasks. 

Men tend to gain great pride through our work. Even with simple tasks like mowing the yard, most of us guys take great pride in a job well done. When a wife is always checking or correcting a husband’s work around the house or yard, she just thinks she helping him see his blind spots (which she probably is), but often this will cause deep frustration or even hurt in the husband. He may not vocalize it, but it can turn into an outburst of frustration in other areas.

For more on this download a FREE chapter from my new book, “The 7 Laws of Love” here.

2. She consistently rejects his sexual advances.

Most men list “Sex” as their number one or number two need in marriage (it’s not anywhere in the top 5 for most women). Since a man’s wife is the only legitimate place where this need can be met, when there’s consistent “rejection” it will not only create physical frustration, it can also create some emotional pain, because any form of rejection in marriage will eventually create some hurt feelings. For more ways to enhance the sexual intimacy and communication about sex in your marriage, check out our new resource, “Best Sex Life Now” by clicking here.

3. She consistently expresses desire for things the family budget can’t afford.

One of the biggest desires of most men is to be an adequate provider for the needs and wants of his wife and family. When a wife makes comments lamenting the family’s limited resources or how she’d love to buy something far beyond the family’s current budget, even though she usually means no harm, most men will internalize these comments and think, “I’m a loser. I can’t give my wife what she wants.” It’s okay to want things and work towards having more, but choose an attitude of contentment and resourcefulness in marriage is key to both spouses being at their best.

4. She consistently questions his judgment.

When a man makes a decision or declares somethings and the wife’s first response is something like, “Are you sure?” she’s usually just being thorough with the details, but what the man hears is, “I don’t respect you.” This one surprises a lot of couples, but this is huge. Men have a HUGE need for respect and we tend to measure respect in subtle ways. It’s obviously important to ask questions of each other, but always try to be intentional about communicating trust in his judgment and his character.

5. She doesn’t say “Thank you” because she assumes he knows he’s appreciated.

According to research from my friend and bestselling author, Shaunti Feldhahn, men desire to hear the phrase “Thank you” even more than they desire to hear, “I love you.” Both genders have a need to feel appreciated, but men tend to link gratitude with respect and men tend to value respect and appreciation in the way that most women tend to value love and affection. Choose to celebrate the best in him instead of pointing out the worst in him.  Say “Thank you” or “I really appreciate all you do for us” to your husband as often as you can and he’ll work hard to keep working to become the husband of your dreams.

For additional tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage, check out our brand new “MarriageApp” on iTunes and my new book, The 7 Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships”


If this post helped you, please share it using the links below so we can help others too!

"Hello, spying on a cheating spouse requires you reach out to an expert who can ..."

The Six Signs of a Cheating ..."
"My husband consistently gets (bad) advice from his twin brother...someone who was taking bets at ..."

Dangerous Marriage Advice
"From my personal experience, the worst is a combination of an emotional and sexual affair. ..."

The 12 Forms of Infidelity in ..."
"My comment was to the author of the article. I don't know who Sodugal is. ..."

Ten Things Married Men Need to ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • FloridaBusinessOwner

    I find more are true on this list for things that hurt my feelings as a wife than the other way around. I can see how some would be shared, but a few we have talked about and he doesn’t seem to need those things the way I do.

  • Colleen Phillips

    I cringe when people put the preposition ‘on’ with the word ‘accident.’

  • Dylan Hunter

    Most grammar Nazis do………………

  • Colleen Phillips

    Actually, I’m the “Grammar Police.” I have a T-shirt that says so. I practice the “Golden Rule.” If I make an error, grammar-related or otherwise, I certainly want someone to tell me, and I appreciate the correction. Just as I’d hate to go around with a booger hanging out of my nose, I also hate making mistakes and sounding like an illiterate fool. That philosophy has served me well; in life, at school, and at work. It did, however, annoy my 8th grade English teacher when I kept correcting her frequent spelling errors. But then, what’s the use of an English teacher who can’t spell?

  • Dylan Hunter

    Actually you’re a disgusting self-righteous bitch who’s simply trolling threads because she doesn’t have a life. Don’t preach to me about spelling lady, I’m a 22 year veteran investigative journalist. Now run along and get over yourself, everybody else has.

  • Bear Lemke

    really…? ^

  • Colleen Phillips

    Whoa! I can see I really got under your skin, and I was never addressing you in the first place. I was just letting the writer of this blog know of his error, which, as I said, is a favor I appreciate from others when I make a mistake. Wow, if I had known you were THE famous Dylan Hunter, “veteran investigative journalist,” I never would have dared post here on Dave Willis’s blog! The fact that you have immediately lashed out at me with nasty name calling tells me everything I need to know about you, Buddy. Some folks are way too uptight and have no sense of humor whatsoever. I am so sorry, Dylan. I wish you all the best in life and beyond.

  • echu888

    Hi Colleen, your 8th grade English teacher was right to be annoyed, because it’s annoying. Who doesn’t want to be around a self-appointed policemen, a torchbearer of justice and all right things?

  • Bigdawg2020

    I think he wrote this on accident.

  • Bigdawg2020

    The writer should probably return his man card after this.

  • Haven

    I find that it’s a generational thing, and not necessarily wrong. Many view it as the opposite of “on purpose”.

  • JEFF

    I don’t believe all this to be true. Until lately, we have pretty much always worked things out where we are both satisfied. Exception: Dealing with step-children, that are of adult age and still living off parents and won’t keep a job!