The secret sex-killer in marriage

The secret sex-killer in marriage August 14, 2015

couple in bed frustrated

I’ve written a lot about the importance of sex in marriage and my wife and I even helped to develop the “Best Sex Life Now” course for married couples, because we believe when your sex life with your spouse improves, your marriage can simultaneously improve too. It takes a lot more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!

There are many factors that can sabotage the sexual intimacy in a marriage. Here are Ten of the top sex killers in marriage, but one I haven’t written on ever before may be one of the biggest culprits. It’s one we don’t talk about often, but we need to, because this might be holding back the intimacy, sexual fulfillment and connection in your marriage. I’m talking about masturbation, but before you roll your eyes and click out of this post. Let me explain three reasons why this is a much bigger issue than you might realize.

First off, when I say “masturbation,” for the purposes of this post, I’m NOT referring to the self-stimulation or sexual play that happens during foreplay or intercourse with your spouse. Those can be just a fun part of sex between a husband and wife. When I’m referring to masturbation, I’m talking specifically about someone pleasuring himself (or herself) to the point of climax when not in the presence of his or her spouse.

Here are three reasons why masturbation can kill the sexual intimacy in a marriage…

1. It prevents you from peak performance with your spouse.

This one applies much more to MEN who masturbate. We receive a lot of emails and messages from frustrated wives whose husbands have lost their drive for sex because they’re “taking care of it all on their own.” When you choose to masturbate, you may be gaining momentary pleasure at the expense of your wife’s needs and desires.

2. It often created “mental infidelity”.

In marriage, monogamy isn’t just physical. You need to be “mentally monogamous” as well. This isn’t just my opinion. Check out Jesus’ teachings on lust which basically say that to lust after another woman is to commit adultery with her in your heart. Masturbation almost always includes either Porn (click here for more about the damaging impact of porn) OR mental fantasies that probably don’t include your spouse. Stay mentally monogamous and your marriage will be much stronger.

3. It trains your mind to reduce sex to a selfish act.

When you masturbate, it’s all about YOU, but sex about about your spouse too. Masturbation trains your mind and your body to approach sex as another way to get your needs met. It trains you to be selfish, and you can’t be selfish and be a great spouse at the same time. Put your spouse’s needs and desires ahead of your own. The happiest marriages have two people who both place the other’s needs ahead of their own.

If you’d like more tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage and a red-hot sex life, check out our “Best Sex Life Now” course by clicking here.

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