
1. The Scorekeepers.
These are the marriages where one or both spouses is always “keeping score” of the other spouse’s behavior and then using that information to manipulate or control aspects of the marriage. They’re great at noticing each other’s flaws but usually bad at noticing each other’s strengths. Forgiveness is never truly sought or truly given. Scorekeepers always have their guards up, because they see marriage as a contest to be won against their spouse instead of something to be won in partnership with their spouse.
2. The Fantasizers.
These couples have nearly given up on pursuing passionate intimacy with each other, so they often escape into fantasy through romance novels or porn. The deeper they go into the fantasy, the more desensitized they become to real love and the more unsatisfied they become with their spouse, their sex life and their marriage.
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3. The Outsourcers.
These dysfunctional couples take the most sacred aspects of marriage (emotional support, friendship, acceptance, companionship and sometimes even sex) and “outsource” those roles to other people or pursuits. They may also escape into their career or hobbies if they find fulfillment in those arenas. They give the best of themselves to other people or pursuits at the expense of their marriage.
#4 is often a main cause of divorce…