I recently wrote post on How to Have a Happy Wife which created a lot of conversations about what it takes to make a happy marriage. I pointed out that one person can never “make” another person happy, but there are some specific ways a husband can and should cultivate happiness for his wife. As a follow up, I want to focus on 3 simple ways a wife can and should cultivate happiness for her husband.
Every man is different, so this list won’t be 100% accurate in every marriage, but after countless interactions with men online and in person, I’m convinced that this list of three actions would be appreciated by the vast majority of husbands. As with all of these posts, the main objective here is to spark meaningful conversations between husbands and wives, because the best growth in a marriage comes through communication.
(In no particular order) A wife can help create and cultivate happiness for her husband when…
1.She is happy herself.
This one might seem unexpected, but it’s really important. A husband will usually not be happier than he perceives his wife to be. To put it another way, your husband will be happiest when he believes you’re happy. The sound of your laughter is one of the sweetest sounds in the world to his ears. Your smile makes him smile. As a wife, you should never “fake” happiness just to put your husband in a good mood, but when you take care of your of yourself (mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually) to bring happiness to yourself, it will usually do wonders in bringing happiness to your husband. For more on this, check out my popular post on the 9 things your husband is always thinking about.
2. She shows him respect* (even when he blows it).
A man has a desperate need to feel respected (especially by his wife). When a man believes his wife truly respects him and sees the best in him, he feels like he can take on the world! When he feels like his wife is his biggest critic instead of his biggest encourager, it takes the wind out of his sails. There will definitely be times when a wife has to correct or “call out” her husband, but her tone should be consistently uplifting. Your words can shape his world. Some phrases that will make his day include, “I believe in you. I appreciate all you do. I’m so proud of you. You can do anything you put your mind to. I’m with you no matter what.”
*If you are having a difficult time respecting your husband because of broken trust, poor behavior or any other factor, please check out our new program for struggling couples at FightingForMyMarriage.com.
3. She initiates sex.
The happiest husbands I know feel great about the frequency of their sex life. The most frustrated husbands I know feel like they have to beg for sex. When a wife never initiates sex (and especially when she consistently rejects his sexual advances) it will crush a man. Sex is a much more complex issue in marriage than can be adequately summed up in a paragraph, but we’ve created a very thorough resource to help married couples enjoy mutually fulfilling sexual intimacy and you can check out our video course on sex and intimacy in marriage by clicking here.
Sometimes, you’ll be doing all of these things and your husband will still be in a grumpy mood. This obviously isn’t your fault. We guys can just be weird and moody sometimes! Thanks for putting up with us.
For additional tools to help you build a happy and healthy marriage, check out my book The Seven Laws of Love (by clicking here).
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