10 Ways to Annoy Everyone At Samhain

It’s Samhain! Don’t let the holiday of death and darkness get too drab. Make sure to liven things up this season with these easy tips. Some people might find them annoying, but that’s really just their Shadow side ready to release the un-fun parts of themselves. Have at it! 

1.) Let the local Halloween pop-up store know how offended you are if they post something like this:

Stand around and tap your Mary Janes until they change it. Then fly up on your broomstick on Halloween, circle the store, and fly off like, “Hee hee hee heee, Bitches!!!!”

2.) Walk around town in your Witch hat and robes and when people say “Happy Halloween,” look puzzled and be all, “Oh! I guess it is Halloween! Hahaha! “

I do this every year.

3.) Bring this candy to the potluck.

You won’t even need a costume because only a real monster would do such a thing.

4.) Say you practice contrary Witchcraft. When everyone becomes silent during the dumb supper, start fighting with your ancestors, aloud.

Bonus points if you laugh at your Ancestors’ jokes and don’t bother to clue people in on the joke.

5.) This:

(Meet me at 5:15 because we’re actually going to do this.)

6.) Walk up to someone, slowly and seriously, put their hand on their arm. Tell them you have a message from their dead cat. Start meowing, climb on the table, and eat all the cheese.

If someone tries to exorcise the kitty-spirit out of you, you win the game.

7.) Attend the ritual with the mandatory black robes but you dress in pink because you belong to the Temple of Regina George and They Can’t Sit With You.

Even though that reason might say that if you’re told it’s a dark-robed ritual and you have to wear pink in honor of Your Lady Regina George, that maybe it’s not the ritual for you…fuck that. They should accommodate.

8.) Quote The Craft and don’t stop quoting The Craft.

Because you ARE the weirdos. Mister.

9.) Tag every Witch you know with a glittery Samhain meme.

I mean, they probably know it’s Samhain. But do they know that YOU know that they know it’s Samhain? And that way you remind them that we’re all part of this very exclooooooosive club called WE’RE WITCHES AND IT’S SAMHAIN!!!

10.) Correct every person who wishes you a Happy Halloween that “Actually….it’s the Celtic holiday of Samhain, and the Christians stole it.” Make sure you mention the burning times and offer to do a presentation about it for Muggle friends and colleagues.

I mean, if they don’t know about it already, they’re not spending enough time on Wikipedia.

I mean it…do have a Blessed Samhain!