Our Kids Hurt Us

Look at those adorable, precious little beings we call kids. They aren’t very big but even before they reach puberty, these cuties can do so much damage. The parenting journey has taken us to ugly places we never knew existed. As wonderful as they are, our kids hurt us. They have no clue what they are talking about oftentimes when they insist on arguing with us. They seem to believe that just because we make and enforce the rules-we are invincible figures with no feelings. They cannot see that sassing just makes them appear more foolish. In the arduous process of guiding them, we get to the danger zone ourselves. Either that, or we are at our wit’s end.

Parenting isn’t as easy as the other jobs we’ve held. Not only does it take everything from us, but it also doesn’t pay–at least not for the first twenty-some years. For every Mark Zuckerberg Jackpot, there are probably a million Plain Janes and Non-spectacular Johns whom, even in their twenties and thirties, aren’t in a position to repay their parents for years of sacrifice. Or, by the time their young adult brains have reached a certain level of success, their hearts are still reeling from childhood traumas for which they have not forgiven their parents. God forbid we become like our wretched mothers or fathers!

Now, I’m fully aware of the wet kisses, big bear hugs, and precious drawings/notes. Many of us get sweet encouragement and even appreciation from our children. Some also get a level of compliance, cooperation, and compliments while our prodigies reside in the comfort of home. And, if you’re like me, you have wonderful actor kids that have “excellent” conduct when they are at school or in the community. They make us look like we are good parents. Certain days, we feel that we are actually on the right track. There is no denying that these are nice.

And then there are those endless reminders to complete daily chores. How else can kids become hard workers one day if the training does not start at home? And when will they ever understand that honesty is the best policy? Why do our dependents insist on stretching us thin? After doling out so much time, energy, and money to raise kids that act like, well, kids, battle weary parents show up at my counseling office, completely worn from the journey that began, for many of us, with “a bundle of joy.” One after another, they confide to doing, saying, and feeling things that they had never before anticipated. These are the frustrations that I hear from so many parents. The dream of raising “a happy family” with all our intellect, experience, and values has become a nightmare. As a fellow parent, I get to acknowledge that raising kids is a super hard job, even for the so called “professionals.”

When will these kids finally become responsible? What does it take for them to be on time and self motivated? How will they become the next brilliant entrepreneur or inventor if they are still frolicking about? Reality sets in that this director position might be all work and few benefits.  Why us? What did we ever really do to deserve this? When will the heavy responsibility of raising our children well be finally lifted?

The days are long but the years are short, so the empty nesters remind us. No matter how we feel, we still have to get up, show up, and keep directing because our kids need us. Are we the only ones who just feel “fake” on some days? Does anyone else feel like a hypocrite out there playing this parenting role we wonder? Surely, we cannot be the only ones to be hurt by our kids?

Cám ón, Ba Má, đã hy sinh quá nhiều cho con (thank you, Mom and Dad, for all you’ve sacrificed to raise me).

For the voice behind this post, see About EastmeetsWestSocialWorker.