The One in Which I’m Pretty Sure I’m Complaining and Feeling Sorry for Myself.

I’ve been doing a lot of never-give-up tweets or facebook status updates. Even my Google+ bio reads, “Never Give Up.”

Life sometimes feels like a giant fist and we measly little chumps start off as rock-hard punching bags, but over time are completely beat up by it.

I hope I’m not coming off all woe-is-me.

It’s just that I can’t believe how often I’m telling myself not to give up.  Or how often I’m assessing and re-assessing everything and anything in my life…

~My blog is showing slow incremental growth – wonderful, but too slow.  I’ve went back and forth, back and forth: close up shop? Get a new blog name?  Take a new direction?  Make it a fashion blog?  Make it a race blog?  Keep it personal?  Just write.  Okay, just write.

Ironically enough, as my monthly unique page views have gone up, my comments are decreasing.  Which means now there’s MORE of you doing MORE lurking and saying less, which for reasons I can’t explain has made me very, very sad.  I wish y’all would comment more.  Jeez, I know that comes off as needy, but oh well.  I told a friend the other day, “I have the worst blog readers in the whole world.” Well, y’all know I love you, but seriously, you suck at commenting.

Okay, rant over.

(Really.  Still love you).

Anyway…

~Working on writing a book is long and arduous with no guarantee of success. Progress though.

~Taking a memoir writing class.  Feeling like the worst writer in the class.  Am learning.  Progress I suppose.

~Marriage is hard, yo. Hope, faith and love are my lifeline.  Progress though.

~Parenting makes me feel like I am a crappy person and a worse mother.  The kids are alive.  They are sweet & laugh quite a bit.  Progress.

~Losing weight – meh.  Lost 10 pounds.  Stalled.  Some progress.

~Managing my career?  Out of 1 to 10? Let’s say a 5 in most areas, an 8 in a few areas, and about a 1 in other areas.  So, basically I’m kind of sucking at my job…in my professional opinion.

~Taking on an additional part-time job -grrrrrrr.  It’s freelance, so if there’s money to be made, only then progress will be made.

~Housekeeping -I am slowly, slowly, slowly trying to do little things to take better care of our house.  Trying to clean a little bit more each day and the like. Booty-slow-progress.

My point is: I’m often tempted to throw in the towel.

On everything.  Marriage, parenting, God, career, losing weight, writing a book, having friends, taking showers.  Honestly, nothing in my life is safe from my quitting temptations!

I’m playing Robin Thicke’s ‘Never Give Up’ 24/7 whilst begging God to give me the strength, hope and perseverance I need to do with my life what seems to make the most sense.

Is this just me?

Does anyone else drive themselves mad with the inner should-I-be-doing-this-with-my-life talk?  Or is this just the plight of a 35 yr. old women potentially coming out of what my counselor called my “female mid-life crisis?”

Don’t worry about me, I’m chugging along here.  Still doing what I should.

A bit tired and overwhelmed I suppose.  Hoping all this progress will lead to a better marriage, a healthier relationship with my kids, a cleaner house, a finished book, healthy finances, healthy heart, healthy body.

All this non-quitting I’m doing, all this never giving up, all this slow progress will surely lead to something good.

So.  Never giving up is the plan of the day.

Anything your working on or feeling overwhelmed by?