WHO CAN? HAIKU CAN! Forthwith, Haiku Fun. Next contest will be announced tomorrow. Grand prize: Bupkes.

And the winner is… Yasser Arafat!!!! He’s been called “the Susan Lucci of Japanese poetic forms,” but at last this dog will have his day. Yasser’s prizewinning composition derives its poignancy from the sophisticated use of an unreliable narrator. I’m sure you’ll all agree that although it lacks the proper haiku meter, the ordinary rules just don’t apply to Yasser “Geneva Convention for Thee, But Not For Me!” Arafat:

Ship full of weapons?

I don’t know nothin’ about no

Ship full of weapons.

It’s hard to compete with that, but Mark Byron almost won my heart through his choice of verbs. He gets second place for:

Le Pen beats Jospin

French polity whomperjawed

Parlez vous redneck?

Coming in third was the Chaplain of Blogland, Father Shawn O’Neal:

I can’t accept change!

The Senate without Jesse–

Bless his old, fat face.

Arafat also placed in the honorable mentions, for:

Ariel Sharon?

Sharon can eat my skivvies.

I got his number.

Screw the Israelis!

They won’t dare mess with me — hey!

What’s that noise outside?

Excuse me, Chairman,

But I believe your jeep is

Parked under my tank.

Euro activists

All over my headquarters

Human shields don’t bathe.

Tom Kreitzberg, on the tyrannical no-winners-from-last-contest decision (or is he talking about the Presidential race?):

A new contest dawns,

Fresh with the dew of morning.

Who won the last one?

Kevin M. James:

The blogwatcher song

Is always a borrowed tune…

Does ASCAP beckon?

Father O’Neal:

Osbourne family:

sad to see so popular.

Ignore those whackjobs!

And Byron again:

Keffiyehs, Stetsons

Abdullah at Dubya’s ranch

Couple of Oilmen

Too many gay priests

Cardinals flock to see Pope

Pope lays off the Law?

No such luck. But thanks to all who entered. Tune in tomorrow for Contest #3! It’ll whomperjaw ya.