…THE NEXT VOICE YOU HEAR: Casting actors to do the voices for the New Testament. They’re having some trouble casting Satan, apparently. (Via Ratty.) I totally can’t help myself, so I’m going to have some fun here and do my own casting (in utter innocence of the laws of time and space). Keep in mind that I really liked Edward G. Robinson in “The Ten Commandments,” and I don’t care what you say!

Satan: actual possibility: John Malkovich. He has the ability to sound really frighteningly elsewhere, like there’s nothing going on behind his eyes: chalky and dissociated.
crack-addled possibility: Jennifer Saunders.

Peter: Edward G. Robinson. You heard me.

Paul: Cary Grant? I mean, Paul does keep telling you he’s a Roman citizen…. He’d be a decent Herod though, too. I could also see Lee Marvin as a very different take on Paul.

Judas: Tony Curtis. “Match me, Sidney.”

Herodias: Katharine Hepburn. (I know, she has one line in the actual Bible. Still!)

John the Baptist: …Johnny Cash?

Mary: I… I have no idea. Candace Hilligoss???

Narrator: I’d want either someone light-voiced, intimidated, in-over-his-head (Danny Kaye???), or passionate and I-don’t-care-what-you-think (Joanna Lumley?? Spike Lee???).

Your suggestions?