Punishment: A Drinking Game

Well, you guys know that I wrote a novel, and it has now been published. Was this a good idea? I don’t know, are books usually? Because I am tackier than flypaper I did a drinking game for Gay and Catholic, and now I offer one for Punishment: A Love Story (ebook, paperback). Enjoy if you dare!*

* Always read responsibly. This message brought to you by the Committee to Restore the Index.

Take a drink…

when Des tries to practice humility and achieves only ridiculousness.

when Trash says something incredibly adorable and also dumber than a box of hair.

when Ray Ray mentors Des and guides her through re-entry, whether intentionally or for fun.

when Toya says something important and nobody notices.

for every Gen X cultural reference, e.g. “the damaged, uncommunicative sex of the Riot Grrrl era”; “fading from her own life like that girl in the painting in The Witches.”

for every romantic description of addiction, my lost beloved.

for MARION BARRY, Mayor-for-Life (at least).

for every instance of Significant Kneeling. (Don’t miss the one with the werewolves!)

for every stupid joke I made early on and then committed to even though it didn’t really work, e.g. the werewolves, the Sycamore of 1812. #noragrats

for “Metrobus as polis.”

for off-label uses of a bathroom (e.g. spiritual, sexual, moral).

for janitorial work as soulcraft.

for making fun of Marxists.

for making fun of Yale.

for jokes where the punchline is child abuse

…or domestic violence! This book is a laugh a minute, let me tell you.

every time I tell you exactly which plants are in this scene. Sweetgum, yucca, porcelainberry, I suddenly was all about naming plants in this book.

every time I make fun of California. Sorry, Californians, I leaned heavily on your stereotypes here. I genuinely like LA!

every time I name a real figure skater: John Curry, Robin Cousins, Rory Flack Burghart, Michelle Kwan, Kristi Yamaguchi, Katarina Witt, Debi Thomas, Tonya Harding. (I think that’s everyone.) ETA: Plushenko!

every time people think the US (or French) criminal justice system sounds sexy.

and on a related note… whenever people try to do something through sex that they should probably do through talking to each other.

whenever people try to do something through sex that they should probably do through talking to a therapist.

whenever people try to do something through sex that they should probably do through talking to God.

Drain your drink…

when they actually do talk to God–that’s when you know it’s getting bad.

whenever punishment or humiliation leads to sublimity.

every time Fang’s band’s name changes.