SSM: SAPPHISTRY AND SOPHISTRY. Okay, that title’s a bit harsh, but it is kind of funny how every time you talk about same-sex marriage somebody says, “But lesbians are supermonogamous! Shouldn’t you be encouraging them to marry?” For some people this is just a cheapie, for a few people it’s a real question; for many, I think, it’s somewhere in between. Let me teethe on it for a bit.

1) Lesbian marriage makes men optional extras in marriage and family formation. So much more on that here, and a bit in the post immediately below this one!

So… there can be more than one kind of harm from a policy, right? The harm done by lesbian marriage might be distinguishable from the harm done by gay men’s marriage, especially if you think there are significant differences between the sexes, yes? In fact, there might be more than one kind of harm done by both kinds of same-sex marriage. So, hypermonogamous or not, dame-broad marriage is a bad idea.

2) Do we, in fact, know that lesbian couples hold one another to a high standard of sexual fidelity? Do we, in fact, know that lesbian couples view sleepin’ around as being unfaithful? Or are we just assuming that, based on (do we even know this much?) lesbians’ higher rates of monogamy (than whom?)? I’m not sure what we’re supposed to know about frail-skirt couples (sorry, I’m getting a little wiggy here).

To make the “Lesbians Will Save Marriage From Gay Men” argument, you’ve got to posit that lesbian couples who would marry a) are more monogamous than heterosexual couples who do marry, and b) more monogamous because they demand sexual fidelity, not because, say, women have a lower sex drive than men, or lesbians have fewer opportunities for infidelity than gay men or heterosexuals, or whatever. B) is important because we’re talking about what SSM would do to the ideal of marriage, how it would affect the cultural belief that marriage requires sexual fidelity.

Can we really make these claims responsibly?

Oh–also–you have to assume that if you have three broad cultural clumps (lass/doll, dude/cowboy, lady/guy) with very generally speaking some restrictions apply void where prohibited differing stances on whether marriage requires sexual fidelity, people will go with the majority vote, or something, rather than just saying, “Well, shouldn’t each individual couple make it up on their own? Dowhutchalike and all that?” Oh good, just what we need, fewer role models and ideals, more ad-hoc randomosity in our marriage culture.

So, not sold on the premise of the claim, and definitely don’t think it constitutes an argument for SSM even if the claim is granted.