Dear Susan: My Son is Gay & My Daughter Supports Him. Are My Kids Going to Hell?

What is wrong with people?!?

What level of arrogance and fear does it take to tell someone they are ‘condemned to hell’ because they are gay? Or because they support someone who is gay?

You know, I should not be surprised anymore – we have heard all types of tragic and ridiculous stories. I may not be surprised, but I am still disgusted.

My heart breaks for people who hear these kind of things – like the Mom who wrote the letter below. She is worried and confused and I look forward to answering her question today, and telling her the truth about God.

I write Dear Susan posts every Friday. Sometimes they will be poignant, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes tender, sometimes funny… but hopefully always worth the read.

Dear Susan,

My 16-year-old son had the courage to tell me he was gay. He did this with his siblings by his side. Both are straight and love their brother. It was beautiful to see their support and encouragement. But one of them now cries herself to sleep every night because she is afraid — she was told that ACCEPTING her brother would send her to hell!!  There are no words. I am horrified, I am sickened, and I fear for my son if our own ‘church family’ can be this detached, unsympathetic, and judgmental. I am assured by my kids constantly that “mom, this is not a huge deal to OUR age group!  We ACCEPT one another.  It is YOUR age group that has the issue.” I still struggle with trying to believe, in my heart, that my son is going to be allowed into Heaven — because I trusted my pastor for years!  But I know my son and I know his heart and there is nothing that can make me believe he is not worthy of Heaven. I also know God’s heart and am coming to believe that God is very different from what I have been taught. But it is a tormenting time for us all. And why?  I just can’t wrap my head around this.  I so much appreciate you sharing.  It helps me.

Confused & Worried

Dear Confused & Worried,

What is the matter with people?? Do they just not know the truth about God? Or maybe they don’t even know the truth about how much God loves THEM.

How could God threaten his innocent child with ‘eternal condemnation’ — just because they are gay? Just because of who they are?  And how could God condemn your other children simply for supporting their brother? The answer is the TRUE God does not do that.

How can people tell you or your child that they are condemned to hell? It is cruel. It is evil. It is based in fear. It is a lie. It makes no sense.

Here is what DOES makes sense: 1. Your beautiful children supporting each other, 2. Your heart recoiling from the ‘hell teaching’ and saying “this is not right!” and perhaps, 3. Getting out of that toxic teaching before it explodes all over your family.

If I’m reading you right, you are very concerned about the church’s response once your son comes out. I don’t know how God will lead you, but it may be better to go, and find an affirming church, before all that happens – so you (and your kids) are not there to endure it.

You are doing great Mom. Answers will come. Peace will come. If you have to choose between love and doing what you think is right, always choose love and you will always be right.

God bless you and your amazing, incredible, lovely kids. You tell that beautiful daughter the truth is that she has NOTHING to fear. She is being Jesus to her brother.

And you tell your precious son that he is perfect… in your eyes and in God’s.

Love,

Susan