Dear Susan: A Valid Marriage Is About Procreation, Right?

Dear Susan: A Valid Marriage Is About Procreation, Right? April 17, 2015


Sometimes I wonder if people really think through things. Where is the heart? The question today concerns whether or not a church can condone a marriage that will not produce children. I don’t know if this will surprise you or not, but we get asked that question a lot.

Marriage is not about religion. Atheists get married.

Marriage is not about reproduction. The infertile get married.

Marriage is about love. That’s it.

And that’s beautiful.dear-susan_white

I write Dear Susan posts most every Friday. Sometimes they are poignant, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes tender, sometimes funny… but hopefully always worth the read.

Dear Susan,

I understand your sentiments about accepting the sinner, but even Jesus said to the prostitute “Neither do I condemn you, now go and sin no more.”  I am against the government banning gay marriage, because it is none of their business.  However, a church cannot condone a gay marriage because of the nature of the family (procreation).  Accepting gays in our society is a necessity, because they are human beings, but as a photographer, I don’t feel that I want to photograph two guys kissing, or reflect on what they will be doing later.  I feel my opinion must count for something, and I don’t feel that any law can force me as a business owner to go against something that goes against my very nature.  This seems to be the root cause of these new religious liberty laws, and I thing it’s sad that we are getting to that point where we lose that ability to stand for what we believe in.  Some might cause this discrimination, but I think this goes beyond discrimination to include ethical and moral principles.


Dear Concerned,

I understand your feelings, I really do. Just think this through with me: if it were 50 years ago, and you as a photographer did not want to photograph a black man kissing a white woman, or a white man kissing a black woman. I do hope that that couple would not ask you to photograph their wedding! But do you see the danger of letting people turn away people because they “go against my very nature”? Do you see how the government can’t let people just say, “We disagree with what this group of people are doing, so we are going to discriminate”? What if you owned a diner and you didn’t want black people to come sit there for lunch? Or Muslims? Or left-handed people? Or women? I hope you see that the government has to step in and say, “We just can’t allow you to discriminate against a class of people like this.”

I understand you personally do not like it, and nobody is trying to make you. But that doesn’t mean you have the right to discriminate against those people. The government can’t let people do that. It ends in beatings on an Alabama bridge or in a whites-only diner, and in riots and lynchings and burning at the stake. Do you see that? History has taught us a lot.

I also understand about procreation. But I have to ask you… do you think only people who plan to have children should be allowed to marry? Or people who are able to have children? What if someone cannot have children – do we tell them they can’t get married? What if it’s an adorable 75-year-old couple who want to get married? Would you say no because the purpose of marriage is procreation?

Of course not.

Remember, no one is telling YOU to marry a man – they’re just asking you to let people who do want to marry to do so, and not discriminate against them. That’s really all it is.

It’s a lot to think about. I hope you do think about it and let yourself see it from a different point of view.

As for the woman you mentioned in the beginning, she was not a prostitute, she was a woman set up by some men who wanted to trick Jesus. What he said was more like, “You don’t have to live this life of sin (which means separation from God) because I’m here.” Read my post about it. But whatever was said, and here is the most important part: JESUS IS THE ONE WHO SAID IT! Jesus said it directly, himself, and he forbade anyone else from saying it. So, let’s stop saying that little phrase as if it’s OUR job to say to people. It’s not. Jesus says to us as he said to that crowd, “Mind your own business.”

I hope you are able to let people be, even people you disagree with. That’s what it means to live side-by-side, together in a civilized society.


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