How to Intimidate Your Daughter’s Boyfriend, Without Your Shotgun

If you’ve ever lived in the south, you’ve heard the old cliche of a dad sitting on the front porch cleaning his shot gun when his daughter’s boyfriend shows up to pick her up for a date. Over at The Gospel Coalition, Jen Wilkin pushes back against this notion with some advice of her own.

Let’s talk strategy for a second. Is that all you’ve got? You need a better plan than these low-level intimidation techniques. After all, she’s your daughter. So let’s talk frankly about what you need to do to guard her interests when it comes to dating. Instead of brandishing a shotgun or breaking out an application, you need to build a wall.

That’s right, you heard me—build a wall. Go all “Rapunzel.” Build it so high that only the strongest of suitors can scale it. But don’t wait until your baby girl is a teenager, bro—start now. Start yesterday. There’s no time to waste.

Humm…  a wall?

Wilkin says that we need to raise daughters who are strong and can defend themselves against unworthy guys, as described in Song of Solomon 8:8-9.

“What shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver. . .” (Song of Solomon 8:8–9).

I’ve always hated the old shot gun joke — though I seriously believe some well-meaning fathers actually have used this intimidation technique — because intimidation only goes so far with kids bent towards sin.  Wilkin has some great tips on how to raise girls who are prepared to date well (read them here) and criticizes the oft-passed around “application for dating my daughter” memes that float around the internet.

This is the part of her article that touched me the most:

I often think that if we scrutinized our parenting with the same intensity we plan to turn on our daughters’ prospective suitors, we’d stop speculating about shotguns and applications and start building that wall. So, my well-meaning father of a 2-year-old, please don’t hit “print” on that application just yet. Instead of cross-examining the man your daughter brings home, cross-examine the man who brought your daughter home from the hospital. She does not need the belated braggadocio of your intentions to protect her from slouchy-pants fools when she’s a teen. She needs you to hitch up your own and invest in her character—now.

So put down your shotgun. Pick up your Indian Princess guide book, or your coach’s clipboard. Take a seat at a tea party. Teach how to change a flat and start the mower. Discuss politics and economics and theology. Compliment a new outfit or an A in math. Tell her you think she is absolutely beautiful. Kneel at a pink chenille bedside and pray your guts out. Raise a daughter with a fully loaded heart and mind so that a fully loaded shotgun isn’t necessary. She shouldn’t need you to scare off weak suitors. Let her strength and dignity do the job. Resolve to settle for nothing less than the best protection for your daughter. Resolve to be the kind of man you want her to bring home. Resolve to build a wall.

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