Hearth Witch Down Under
Something I like to do is look back on my life, my choices, beliefs and opinions and consider how I have changed over time. With that in mind I would often browse through my comments and discussions on my old forum The Pagan Veil, which I closed down earlier this year. Before I shut it down though I happened to copy a few specific comments of mine that I found interesting, figuring that I might be able to use them for a blog post at some point.
This blog post features one of those comments. I thought it would be fun to actually share with others how I have and haven’t changed. The following is my reply to a discussion asking about Patron deities, from June of 2011. After that I will take a look at how my views have changed over the past 5 years, and how they haven’t.
I am not sure i ever had “moment” when i felt my Goddess, I have been Pagan since i was a child, even though i had no name for my religion, and i have felt the presence of someone since the beginning, but i cannot remember a moment of knowing…
My Goddess is Hecate, ever since i saw her name, before knowing anything about her, I knew that was the name of the Essence which guided me in life…
Over the years as my life, my outlook, views, personality and lifestyle have changed, so has my belief in Her… It is like I have adapted her and changed her to suit my life and experiences, for a while i was worried how she would feel about my audacity in doing that…
I have since realised that I haven’t changed her at all, but that as i have evolved in mind and soul, so my perceptions of her have grown and changed… I simply see more now than i did once…
I think the worry was more that my views on Hecate don’t always mesh well with other peoples views on her, as I see her not only as the Queen of the Night, and the Dead… She is a protector of children, and i believe she perversely fits with the Maiden, Mistress and Mother aspects of the Pentadeia as well as her usual Crone aspect… For me Hecate is like the One of the Five (that would be the One of the Triple Goddess in translation), like a mix of them all together…
Don’t get me wrong, i still see her more in her Crone aspect as Prytania Queen of the Dead, but i have come to realise that she has so much more to offer than only one aspect in the evolution of women…
As for the Gods, i don’t really have a patron god, but i do love to work with Hermes… I’ve never had more fun with a deity i swear… About the only thing that Hecate seems to be missing for me, is an amazing sense of humour… oh well, can’t have everything lol…
First the practical stuff. Seemingly my Shift key was sticky, “I” is rarely capitalised – but perhaps I was just lazy. And then there is the ellipsis… It’s an addiction… Hard to break… Also, I no longer spell Her name with a C, Hecate is now Hekate, this comes from being a devotee of the Covenant of Hekate for the most part.
Reading this old comment of mine I see something, odd. Something false. An outright lie. “Don’t get me wrong, i still see her more in her Crone aspect as Prytania Queen of the Dead,” I wrote back then, and it was complete and utter bull.
If you read an earlier part of the comment I actually explain the lie, “I think the worry was more that my views on Hecate don’t always mesh well with other peoples views on her, as I see her not only as the Queen of the Night, and the Dead…” I told a lie, and even explained why I told the lie – without letting on that I was telling the lie. I was willing, then, to admit to seeing Hekate as more than just the Crone. But I wasn’t yet bold enough to admit that I had never seen her as the Crone, and in fact I kind of found it upsetting when I saw her described as a Crone.
I’m fine with it now. I can admit to the truth, because I am a grown up and can do things like that. Also, it’s widely known to Hekate devotees that she really isn’t a Crone and never has been. But I didn’t know back then that other people knew that.
How stupid is that? Like, yeh, I am the only person that has experienced the truth of Hekate – no one else knows, therefore they will attack me with their big meany-head words. How naive and self-absorbed. And I thought I was pretty self-aware. I still do, and now I have to wonder if I really am as self-aware as I currently assume. Will I look back on this post in five years time and roll my eyes at myself? Seems rather likely actually.
Back to the original post. Honestly, I pretty much agree with everything I wrote back then, outside of the lie I told. Hekate is, I know, the presence that has been with me for most of my life, perhaps all of my life – even before I knew Her name or read about Her. When I did read Her name for the first time, I knew it was Her. When I read about Her mythology, my certainty solidified.
My outlook on Her and who She is has changed much over the years. And yes, it is still changing since that original comment – not as much, not as quickly, not as vastly, but it is still changing and evolving. My relationship with Her has changed over time, many times, not always in an upwards direction. But we are currently moving up now. This is not to say that we have had problems, so much as my life has had problems that has made me complacent and neglectful of my religious life.
The Pentadeia perhaps requires some explanation – simply put it is an extension on the Triple Goddess. The Pentadeia is a five-fold Goddess, covering the usual three aspects but also includes the pre-pubescent girl and the non-virgin non-mother. I no longer prescribe to the Pentadeia personally, but if anyone is interested in it I did do a post on it back in 2012 and it is here on this blog. So I no longer place Hekate into the five-fold or Triple Goddess, because I don’t believe in such myself any more. So that part has also changed, quite a bit.
And then the last bit of the comment. The Gods. Do I have a “patron” God? This is also still the same, I have no God who I am as close to as I am with Hekate. But yes, Hermes is still the God I have the best relationship with, who I pray to most, who I have fun with. But I am also in the beginning of trying to get to know Prometheus, so this may change. I still haven’t really found a lot of humour in Hekate. Others say She has a pretty good sense of humour, dark and sarcastic – which is exactly my sense of humour, so who knows why I can’t see it in Her.
Things change, people change, even if in only subtle ways. I have changed many of my beliefs and opinions over the years, as I have gained knowledge and experience. But sometimes things also stay the same, even through the changes. No matter how much my beliefs and practices have changed, I have never let go of the Goddess I was originally devoted to. I think perhaps I never will.
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