The Altar Of Should

I remember the first time it happened. It was probably about about 14 or 15 years ago, now, and it was early spring — one of those beautiful days when every cell in your body feels alive with the newly warmed air, when the winter chill is finally beginning to melt away and for the first time in months, you can expose a little more skin. Maybe your toes, or your shoulders, can be warmed by the sun.

I was driving in my car, and I saw a huge banner strung across the street, hung from one telephone pole to the other:

FARMERS MARKET, FRIDAYS 9AM – 12 NOON

Immediately my mouth started watering at the idea of brightly colored, fresh fruits and vegetables — red peppers, purple grapes, dark, leafy greens, yellow onions. But soon, my hungry heart sank when I realized: I’d be at work on Friday between 9 am and 12 noon.

Drat!

Don’t get me wrong. I loved my job at the time, and I was pretty good at it. But really, I had fallen into it because all my life, I really had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I graduated high school and went on to study theater, not because I was wildly passionate about it (I was only ever and still am mildly passionate about it — and that’s not enough to survive that arena) but because it was the only thing I seemed to be good at.

Despite training at fairly prestigious schools for acting, I dropped out fell into the corporate life. Back in high school, people had told me I was a good writer, but I didn’t really believe them, because it came easy to me. If it came easy, I figured, it couldn’t be that good.

I went on to float around through life and when I finally realized that God was chasing me down, the community I landed in was a little, well, legalistic I guess we’ll say. What I mean is, they seemed to think that God had some master plans up in heaven — big huge blue prints and destiny algorithms that look a lot like calculus.

And I’ve never been very good at calculus.

So that first church — while I love those people like crazy — left me with this anxiety-ridden feeling like God had an exact thing he wanted me to do, an exact person he wanted me to marry, an exact purpose I was supposed to fulfill. It didn’t take long for me to freeze in fear of making a mistake. I shrunk and withered. I got small and safe. I got really good at “administrating” in boring jobs that felt like they were sucking my soul out through my left nostril, one inane product line at a time.

By the time I saw that farmer’s market sign, I was convinced that this was all there was to life.

Thank God for that sign, because it started me on the path to where I am today — to realize that yes, God has equipped me with some stuff I’m really good at, and that he wants me to use it. I no longer believe He’s up there trying to force me into some horrifically exact formula of What I Was Created To Do.

Instead, I kind of feel like when he got the idea for me, and he got started making me, he giggled to himself and said, “Oh, man, I can’t wait to see what kind of trouble this one’s going to stir up.”

And by trouble, I mean the kind of trouble that happens when you live a life of faith, when you scare yourself silly with trusting God, and when you slap on your sandals and start walking the footpath of the Rabbi.

Because it’s an adventure, trust me.

And while it’s scary and will shatter every tiny little alter you’ve build up in your heart — all those wooden tables you’ve built to try to keep you safe — you find God there in the edges of yourself.

Those tiny little altars where you put your faith in your paycheck, or in your own ability, or in your title or position, or in what you thought was true, in your anger, or in your political party or your sense of nationalism, in what kind of parent you thought you’d be, in what you think your body should look like, or how clean your house should be — all these tiny little altars all around us that give us a sense of order will be smashed to bits when we meet the great almighty. And that’s a very good thing.

It gets us closer to our own true souls, so we can begin to see ourselves as God sees us. We can begin to let his absolute love sing over us like his song, and we can begin to play in the freedom of Christ when we finally walk away from The Altar of Should and into the wide open spaces of grace.

When that happens, all of a sudden we’re free to make mistakes — because we remember that our God is a God of redemption and love.

We are free to play with our own uniqueness, because we know that we are wonderfully and fearfully made.

And when we fall in love with Jesus not because we fear him but because we finally — finally — have begun to just maybe understand the depth and width and heights of his love and acceptance for us, we can fall into that pool of refreshing grace and be free — to be ourselves, to step in to our gifts, to begin to live life on purpose.

So when I say that God wants us to live a life on purpose, I don’t mean that he has that purpose figured out to point-one thousand degrees, or that all of quantum physics depends on what you decide this very next second, and if you decide wrong, whole universes will self-implode and you will surely rot in a hot and steamy hell, quite possibly next to horrible presidential candidates, which could only make it all that much worse.

No. I’m saying that when you live the life God wants us to lead, there’s freedom, and playfulness, and challenges, and faith-growing moments when you have to rely on God and you want to scream, and there’s you, and there’s Jesus, and there’s your sandy sandals, and maybe some skinned knees and blisters, but there are no Altars of Should, no busy work, no soul-sucking.

Life on purpose is much more like a farmer’s market. It’s vibrant, lush and variable. It comes and goes like seasons. It’s nutritious; it smells of earth and smacks of God. And in the colorful variety, there’s a lot of what might seem like imperfection, yet it’s all that imperfection that makes it interesting, and worth the visit.

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I’m really passionate about helping people live out a life that uses the gifts, passions, and talents that God gave them. Through my coaching business, I’ve developed a 6-step plan that helps people better understand how to start playing in their God purpose and on September 14th, I’m doing a FREE WEBINAR where I’ll be outlining those 6 steps for you. I hope you’ll join me!