In the astonishingly competitive contest that yesterday raged across the internet as thousands hundreds tens of readers furiously vying for a free autographed copy of my book I’m OK–You’re Not hurt their heads trying to guess what this thing is even though after a while I could see nobody was ever going to get it so finally I had to post as a clue this thing which amazingly enough didn’t seem to help anyone at all until I finally just came out and told everyone to do a Google image search for “medical bellows,” we have a tie!
Now, technically we actually don’t have a tie. At 3:46 p.m. yesterday “Julia” sent in but two words: “skull saw.” A seriously lagging eight minutes later Mark Lattimore submitted the guess “hand cranked skull saw.” To his guess Mr. Lattimore added, “C’mon the skull is made up of bone and I guessed bone saw yesterday.”
For reasons I delineated to one Mr. Snarky Pants in the (as of right now) final comment section of Guess What This Thing Is and Win an Inscribed, Autographed Book!, I did not think that Mr. Lattimore’s first guess qualified as a winner. Still, I like Mr. Lattimore; in the past he has left many an excellent comment on my blog. And I understand the case for equating “bone” with “skull.” I am sure that encouraging me to make that connection is why so often in my life someone or other is moved to call me “bonehead.”
I have decided to award both Julia and Mr. Lattimore a copy of my book. Congratulations to you both! Please email me (at johnshore [@] sbcglobal.net) as to where you’d like your book sent and how you’d like it inscribed, and I’ll get it out to you just as soon as I venture out to the local post office, which means I’ll have to groom or at least get dressed so if I were you I wouldn’t exactly set up camp near your mailbox. Next week, though.
Any other of you losers kind readers who would also like an autographed and inscribed copy of I’m OK have but to send me $11.99, which you can either mail me or zip into my PayPal account (the button to which you can find beneath the “Help Me Not Have To Get a Real Job” tile on in the column to the right). For a paltry $3.99 you can download the e-book.
And now, hand in hand, let us stroll down Deranged Memory Lane, and see what yesterday some of my readers offered as guesses for what the Oldy Tyme skull saw is:
paint mixer
film rolling thingy
bicycle chain holder
date stamp
labeling machine
tooth remover
Clinkerator
cane juicer
can opener.
corkscrew
apple peeler
nutcracker
car jack
eggbeater
land shark
low-carbon emitting chain saw
pipe cutter
ancient musical instrument
exercise device
antique kitchen tool
walnut cracker [so close!]
car steering system
car transmission
yarn or string winder
something you could kill someone with
fire starter
wine bottle opener
lawn chair
activation switch for the Omega 13
hand-mixer /egg-beater
blade sharpener
widget
pie crust maker
coffee bean grinder
manual chainsaw
portable knife or sword sharpener
box opener
rock carving device
ancient torture mechanism
rudimentary lathe
leprechaun dancing aide
calibrated frantibulator
key
meat grinder
antique garden tool
prospector agitator
wood router
babyfishmouth
skin tag remover [ew]
street line painter
unicycle prototype
mini butter churner
paper cutter
book binder
nosehair trimmer
green bean julianner
an old-fashioned way to tone up your stomach
thooth gwinder
thooth gwinder for horses
beak trimmer for chickens
toe nail trimmer for dogs
spool threader
dead body dismantler
first generation pizza slicer
conversation starter
poison ivy scratcher
reason to never read this blog again
prayer and meditation device
Brazilian night head gear
Leather Face’s lipstick
lamp that’s not plugged in
intro to algebra text book
olive pitter
jar opener
leather cutter
denture maker
abstract art
bicycle chain replacer
grass cutter
plow
window screen fixeice cutter
flint sparker
hair trimmer
nail file
time waster
Thanks to all who guessed. And thank you, especially, for bringing me so much humor on this day, of all days. Much love.
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