Captain Israel vs. Foreskin Man

Boys and girls! Meet:

Captain Israel is a comic book illustrated and written by Arlen Schumer. Footing the bill for Captain Israel’s production is Stand With Us, an Israeli advocacy group.

Much less fun than Captain Israel is MGMbill.org. Does MGM stand for top-notch movie entertainment? Yes! — but not in this case. Here it stands for Male Genital Mutilation. The MGMbill.org people (ostensibly) want to put an end to circumcision. They even managed to get onto San Francisco’s November ballot a measure to make circumcision illegal. (This past Thursday, though, a San Francisco county superior court judge removed that measure from the ballot, reasoning that while the state can decide such matters, individual cities cannot.)

The president of MGMbill.org is Matthew Hess. Matthew Hess created his own superhero. Meet:

Shown here wielding a (magic?) 8-ball, Foreskin Man appears to also be battling a cold sore on his lip. Maybe he has herpes. Either way, nothing will stop him from fighting such evil-doers as

and

Other characters in the Foreskin Man comic book series include:

and who could ever forget:

That’s right: Jethro Sacks, and Vulva Girl.

Could I make this stuff up?

As you might expect, Captain Israel has issues with Foreskin Man. And here’s the proof:

This was drawn and written by Arlen Schumer.

I met Mr. Schumer during my adventures at Comic-Con. In the audience of our panel discussion, he afterwards politely came up to me and proffered his eight-page, lavishly illustrated comic book before quietly going on his way.

The next day, having read the fine print inside Captain Israel, I googled Mr. Schumer’s name, and from there learned about MGMbill.org, the “intactivists” out there vigilantly fighting for the rights of infant boys to one day have their dicks look as long as possible, and, of course, the handsomely blonde Foreskin Man, who might as well have a swastika on his chest instead of that Bat-Butt thing he’s now sporting.

As I hope is already obvious, what fuels MGMbill.org is good old-fashioned antisemitism.

I was never a big fan of Captain America; I just can’t get excited about what amounts to Captain Geopolitical Entity. And my first thought upon seeing Captain Israel was that a comic book from Bizzaro World had accidentally fallen into ours.

Without in any way referencing to the whole Jewish-Palestinian issue, I would just like to say, on behalf of the six million Jews killed by the Nazis in WWII: Go, Captain Israel, go!