“Stop swinging, Samson!”

[This is a traditional tale from American folklore which I’ve slightly modernized in tone but not substantively altered. I think it says as much about the relationship between man, God, and the force called Satan as might be found in a library’s worth of theology books.]

Satan said to Samson, “They tell me that you are the strongest man in the world.”

“Yes, I reckon I am,” said Samson. “Let us today try our strength.”

Satan said, “I will first try this hammer that knocks upon the anvil.”

“Throw that hammer up, see how high you can throw it,” said Samson. Satan threw that hammer seventy-five miles in the air.

“Satan, have you another hammer?” said Samson.

“Why, yes!”

“What’s the name of that hammer?”

“That’s the one we weld iron with.”

“How high in the air can you throw that hammer?” says Samson.

“Oh, about a hundred miles.”

“Huh,” says Samson. “You can’t throw at all. I thought you were a man. Now, Satan, you stand back. You ain’t a man at all.” Samson stepped up and took hold of the anvil instead of the hammer. He looked up at the sky, and said, “Michael and Raphael and all the holy angels! Stand back, ‘cuz here comes the anvil!” And Samson started to swing the anvil.

When he had swung it around twice, Satan suddenly said to Samson, “Stop! Don’t throw that anvil! Save heaven!”

Samson slowed down swinging the anvil until he stopped.

“If you knocked heaven and the host out of existence,” said Satan, “what will we do for a living?”