How To Win A Man

How To Win A Man May 26, 2015

I bet the title of this post caught your eye!

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Due to some circumstances in my personal life, I’ve spent some time seriously thinking through what Biblical dating looks like.

My conclusion:

There is no such thing as Biblical dating.

“Dating”, as we know it today did not exist in Biblical times. Arranged marriages were common (Issac and Rebekah), and there was a lot less of the “back and forth” that people experience today. I’m a single woman in my min-twenties seeking to navigate the “dating scene” well. While there was no “dating” in the Bible, there are certainly principles and pieces of wisdom that can be applied to those seeking to date/court to honor the Lord. 

Last year, my home church in Washington D.C., Capitol Hill Baptist Church (CHBC) hosted a “Single Women’s Talk”, where four of the associate pastors and elders sat down with the women of the church. The topics ranged from sexual purity to what a Godly relationship should look like. I’ll be honest, I was a bit skeptical of the talk. Typically when I’ve attended discussions like this in the past, it’s been cliché, and not very beneficial. However, anything that CHBC does is well-done, purposeful and edifying. The talk for single women was no different. Our pastors and elders spoke frankly and honestly with the ladies, and I wanted to expand upon a point that was made that evening.

 Be careful what you win a man with, because that’s what you’ll keep him with. 

As I’ve thought through and prayed over what I want my future marriage to look like (if the Lord sees fit to allow me to be married), the most important thing I’m looking for is a man who loves the Lord with all of His heart, mind, soul and strength. Obviously there are other things I would like  – someone who’s intelligent, someone who’s kind, someone who would make a good father to my future children, someone with a good sense of humor, etc. While those are all qualities that I’m looking for, they are second to the most important thing – being passionately in love with Jesus Christ.

But, flip that around. What is the kind of man I want to marry looking for in a woman?

If a Godly man were to write this post, what qualities and characteristics would he list? He would more than likely list his preferences, brunette or blond, reserved or talkative, etc. But above all else, the most natural thing for a Godly man to list is Godliness in his future wife.

As I’ve been thinking through the things about myself that I want a man to fall in love with, the primary thing I want him to notice and fall in love with is my relationship with the Lord.

“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:29-30

Proverbs 31 might be a bit over-quoted, but the truths found in the chapter are deep and rich.

It can be a natural tendency for a women to try to woo a man with her outer beauty. After all, God made women to be beautiful creatures, however we can easily fall prey to misusing the role that physical beauty should play. I’ll admit, I struggle with this more than I’d like to publicly admit. I recently wrote an article entitled, “How To Be A Beautiful Woman“, that discusses how women should handle their physical beauty in a manner than honors the Lord. Women can so quickly takea good gift that God blessed us with (physical beauty)  and turn it into an ultimate thing. The fact of the matter is, physical beauty can be taken away so quickly. You’ll grow old, you’re figure won’t remain the same, life happens, and your appearance will change.


I’m striving after my Beloved’s heart, and seeking to know Him and make Him known. My life’s goal is to bring His name glory. Even thought I don’t do this perfectly, and fail, my heart still pants and longs after Him.

Dear One, I encourage you to examine your heart, your character and your life.

What are you wooing people with?

Is it your Godly character that relentlessly pursues intimacy with your Father, that seeks to love your neighbor as yourself, that accurately displays Christ to the world? If it’s not, don’t be discouraged, pray that the Lord would revive your heart to greater Godliness. He delights in fulfilling the request for more of Himself.

May we be women that turn a man’s heart first and foremost by our intimacy with Christ.

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