Fitting In

Misfit.

Imposter.

Too much.

Not enough.

Too old.

Too young.

Always there.

Never belonging.

Walking into a room.

Longing to be seen.

Seen for who I am.

Yes.

Seen and loved for who I am.

Except?

Who really knows me?

I don’t even know if I know me.

Let’s start here…

Cheer Coach?

Wait, I don’t know enough about stunting.

Teacher?

Wait, I’m just a sub.

Poet?

I put periods at the end of each line.

Homeschool mom who let my kids watch Disney.

Taught True Love Waits.

Didn’t wait.

Great at performing in choir.

Couldn’t sing.

Too serious about God for classmates.

Not serious enough about God for Christians.

Fun and Adventurous.

Ridden with Anxiety.

Always smiling.

Filled with depression.

Too young for siblings.

Too old for nieces and nephews.

Don’t know enough about culture.

Don’t know enough to be a scholar.

A woman who can teach.

Just not about God.

Or, at least not men about God.

Smart and ADD.

Messy but OCD.

Talented in twirling but not wanting to actually practice?

Trying to be pretty when I am “cute”.

Trying to write deep papers when they all end up being really just “cute”.

Too liberal for conservatives.

Too conservative for liberals.

Too young to be a grandma.

Too young to take care of my parents.

Too young to fear death.

Sanguine and Melancholy.

Ok.

I’ll stop.

This is all just off the top of my head.

All to say…

I’ve always felt a little on the outside.

I’m not saying any of this to get anyone to agree or disagree.

I’m simply saying how I’ve felt.

And what I’m learning to do about it.

How I’m learning to be “me”.

Relax into “me”.

Because, honestly?
Who really does fit?

And fit into what exactly?

Maybe, just maybe, we are all a bunch of “misfits”.

Believing the lie.

Deceived into thinking we must conform.

Do we all need to be the same?

Oh man, when I think of it?

How boring.

How redundant.

How awful.

Different is good.

Being comfortable with being different is hard.

What if we could be?

Comfortable.

Content with who God made us to be.

Honest about who we are.

Real.

Genuine.

I’ve got an idea.

For today…

I’ll be me.

You be you.

I’ll be comfortable with who I am.

AND… you be comfortable with who you are.

Together.

We need each other.

All the misfittiness.

Shoot… not a word.

All the messiness.

All the different.

All together.

Leaning in.

Learning to love.

Learning to be loved.

Yes.

Beloved.

You and me.

All of us.

Beloved.