Destroyed or Deconstructed.
I just noticed these are two different words…
Although I would say my faith has been “deconstructing” for over a decade,
I would NOT say it has been destroyed.
See the difference?
When something is destroyed, it is irreparable.
You can not put it back together.
My faith has not been broken into unusable fragments.
It has, however been “deconstructed”.
Take that back.
It’s in the process of being deconstructed.
I’m pretty sure it will be until I take my last breath.
And always reconstructing.
Because I don’t know everything.
And neither does anyone else.
And there is room to grow.
To change our minds.
I’m pretty sure I learned awhile back that repent means “to change your mind”.
What did I just say?
A life of repentance means a life of changing one’s mind?
Being open to the possibility that God is bigger.
And Jesus is in the business of growing us.
Beside still waters.
And through the storms when the wind begins to blow.
I’ve prayed (on my knees) for so long for God to be real to me.
For my eyes to be open.
My heart to be softened.
The way made straight.
I believe this is happening.
Over and over.
As I humbly kneel in my bedroom.
Believing my prayers are being answered.
More faith pours in.
And love pours out.
And the chains that have bound me up?
Let me say that different.
The chains that I perceived were binding me up?
I now realize are not there.
They weren’t there before.
And the lie I had been believing?
Was how locked I was.
By my own fears.
And I needed Jesus to break me out.
Day after day.
Break every chain.
And God began to show me.
The very truth of an unimaginable love.
So deep and wide and high and far.
All the adjectives.
And the religion that I clinged so tightly to?
Began to deconstruct.
Piece by piece.
Down to a very firm foundation.
And is now being built back up.
Not with walls of certainty.
Not with bricks of pride.
But with love.
Knowing full well it is ok to be taken apart as needed.
As I learn, and grow, and trust.
In the One who is the foundation.
In the One who is Love.
Karen R Shock resides in Fort Wayne, IN with her husband and their youngest son. She had three more children who are married and four beautiful grandchildren. Oh, and a dog name JT Barrett (Go Bucks). She is a retired homeschool, public high school teacher and cheer coach. Life is hard, but fun. Learning to lean into the mess, find rest in today, and maybe even make some new friends along the way. We need each other. It’s so good to know we are not alone.