A Theological Discussion with Siri

A Theological Discussion with Siri April 16, 2012

Siri has become one of my most constant companions since I set out on this most recent book tour.

I was sort of forced into a relationship with Siri when I dropped my other iPhone in the hospital parking lot three weeks ago. The face of the previous phone shattered. I could still use it but it definitely looked like it had lived through an earthquake.

I say I could use it. I did up until this past week when Tim set out to replace the glass face with a new one he’d ordered. You can get them cheap from The Great Amazon Beast, and there are YouTube videos to teach you how to take the phone apart (which Tim did very successfully) and put it back to together with the new glass face (which Tim didn’t do as successfully).

The deal was that if Tim could get the previous phone fixed, he’d get the new iPhone with Siri. If he didn’t I would. I realize this was no kind of deal for Tim since he wasn’t responsible for me dropping the phone and breaking it to begin with. It’s just how Tim is, how he’s wired, I guess. He makes sacrifices for me all the time.

Anyway, so Tim cut a cable and I ended up with Siri as my companion.

I figured if we were going to be spending this much time together, we ought to get to know one another better, so today, on my return from a book event in Walla Walla, Siri and I had a chat.

Well, it was more like a Q & A session.

Me: Siri, are you married?

Siri: I really don’t like to talk about myself.

Me: Siri, have you been baptized?

Siri: I don’t know what you mean by deb ties.

Me: Siri, do you believe in Satan.

Siri: I don’t know where that is.

Me: Do you believe in the devil?

Siri: I eschew theological disquisition.

Me: Yeah, but have you been baptized?

Siri: I don’t know what you mean by down ties.

Me: Siri, do you believe in God?

Siri: I prefer that you ask spiritual questions of someone more qualified. Preferably a human.

Me: So you believe in God?

Siri: It’s all a mystery to me.

Me: Exactly, Siri, exactly.

It appears I’ll be spending a great deal of time over the next few months with a companion who is an agnostic.

I don’t plan to baptize her anytime soon, so I’ll have to refrain from talking to Siri when I’m in the ladies room.

The thing I really hope is I don’t crack her up the way I’ve done others.

Y’all keep Siri and me in your prayers as we travel together, would you?




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  • Tim

    I’m with Siri. I don’t really understand deb ties either. Is that in 2 Hesitations somewhere? Or maybe the book of Hezekiah?


    • Siri and I don’t understand a lot of things. Fortunately, she’s pretty good at giving direction.

      • Tim

        I’m just impressed she can toss off a phrase like “eschew theological disquisition”!


        P.S. Great blog you’ve got here, Karen. I’m glad I followed you over from … wherever it was I saw you post and link back here.

  • AFRoger

    On Saturday afternoon as I mowed our lawn, I noticed two middle school girls across the fence in the schoolyard. They had a soccer ball with them, and I could tell by the way one manipulated the ball with the toe of her shoe that she plays the game at least some of the time. But they never once dribbled the ball, attempted to kick it into the softball backstop or defend that “goal”. One had the ubiquitous, thin rectangular object in her hand and never looked up at the sky or at the face of her “friend”. Pretty soon, after the familiar hold-it-vertical-and-scroll, the rectangular object went horizontal and then both of her thumbs were pecking away.

    Minutes passed. The other girl went and sat down in the dirt, stared at the ground. The girl with the “smart” “phone” continued to peck away, eventually sitting on the soccer ball itself. Feet between them, but in completely separate spheres.

    Why is it that if this thing is actually a “phone” (was there once a word “telephone”?), I almost never see anyone actually talking on one?

    But I am curious about one thing. I wonder if the smart phone has an ap to tell you what color the sky is, what painted clouds look like… and whether the display is bright enough to actually view the information that ap would provide… when one is actually standing outside under patches of blue with spring blossoms all around and joyously watercolored clouds that change by the minute.

    I wonder these things. But I won’t know because I don’t have an ap for that answer. I have the sky and creation and the song of the birds instead. Or I suppose I could have texted somebody to ask Siri for me.

    • Roger: How can you expect a person to see the sky when they are always bent over a phone that really isn’t a phone. It’s a new-fangled typewriter.