My homosexual lifestyle exposed

My homosexual lifestyle exposed August 13, 2012

I read and hear the phrase “homosexual lifestyle” so frequently that I have decided it is time to tell the truth about my homosexual lifestyle.  The best way I can think to do that is simply share scenes from this past week. I hope you will not be shocked, I hope none of the scenes below are offensive.

My homosexual sisters and brothers, you are invited to share scenes from your homosexual lifestyle in the comments below so we can finally be seen for who we really are.

Monday August 6 – got our 5th and 9th graders off to their first day of 2012-2013 school year.

Tuesday – I drove over to a hotel in Decatur, GA to install a prayer room in one of the meeting spaces of the Courtyard Marriott Conference Center.

Spent the rest of the week making sure the prayer room was carefully tended and all supplies at the interactive prayer stations were ample.

Led a four-hour workshop exploring social media for ministry with pastors from around the US and one from Canada!

Had coffee with a friend who is a minister and musician.

Hung around over 200 clergy and other church nerdy types at the National Church Leadership Institute.


Picked up a roll of mustache imprinted duct tape for my 10 year old who is currently into making flip flops and hand bags out of wildly pattered tapes.

Shared a lunchtime meal with a good friend, the chaplain of a local women’s college.

Visited my 14 year old’s new high school to meet with counselor and make sure the schedule of classes is the best fit for my girl.  Stopped by the principal’s office to offer my volunteer time helping out with communication for the school community.

 Ate a sandwich from Jimmy John’s (went with the bootlegger filled with roast beef and other yummies).

Stopped by the grocery store to pick  up a few items we forgot.

Listened to my friend’s new CD.

Took my teenager shopping for a few more school supplies.  We ended up spending the whole morning shopping, eating lunch and having a great time together.


Visited a friend’s house four times a day to care for his dog while he is away visiting his father in Alabama.

Sat up late watching an episode of Rev. while waiting for my wife to get home from an extra job where she provided security for one happy couple’s wedding.


Brandied a bag of black cherries for a cake recipe.

Argued with my wife about something insignificant.


Made up

Went back to the grocery store to fetch the forgotten supplies for the black forest cake project the wife and ten year old were working on.

Read a couple of great articles about digital ecosystems.

Enjoyed a sinfully delicious beer from Southern Tier called Creme Brûlée.

Threw the tennis ball for our two dogs.


Invited a neighbor to church (she’s been meaning to come and will soon I know).

Made a slow cooker recipe from the Hungry Girl cookbook to take to church for Second Sunday Supper.


Delivered kids to church then dashed back home to get yummies for Second Sunday Supper.

Cried during the sermon.

Cried during a song.

Sliced cake for friends.


Hung around on Facebook.

Gave the teenager “lights out” – three more times.


Kissed my wife goodnight.


Had a cup of coffee.





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153 responses to “My homosexual lifestyle exposed”

  1. The transgender lifestyle is just as bad. I have done such demented and diabolical things as playing Pokemon, chatting via Trillian with my sister in Tasmania, going to the GBK for their chicken thing with camembert and cranberry sauce, mopping the bathroom floor, not mopping the bathroom floor when it really needs it(clearly the capital sin of Sloth), watching nature documentaries, washing my hair with kids’ shampoo because adult shampoo gives me dry skin and rashes, going to church(St Mary’s Anglican)on Sundays(and sometimes helping with the readings), collecting books for charity, and reading the Confessions of St Augustine.

  2. Hey Kimberly,
    Just wanted to let you know that im thoroughly enjoying your blog even though i am straight 🙂 I love what you are doing as a woman, a writer, and a christian , speaking words of truth and creating a safe space for many who dont have a haven. I also live in ATL , most of my friends reside in kirkwood and I am excited to see the unity and peace that will begin to take over our city because of people like you. oh and creme brulee is a fave for me and my hubs. love it! thanks so much. peace.

  3. Thank you for your article. I had to read it twice to understand what you were saying because your life is so mundane or normal. I have made the theological journey that many have. In my younger days I would have been one of the one’s concerned about a “gay” lifestyle. About five years ago I finally admitted what I’ve believed in my heart for a long time – God loves us all regardless of our sexual orientation. I hope the rest of my life (age 59) to be part of the solution and not the problem.
    Fred Phelps picketed our church a few weeks ago. In my sermon that day I told my congregation that I want to be clear that there is nothing Fred Phelps I agree with. I went on to tell them that the God I serve loves us all and there is not distinctions and it is time we stop making them. I went on to tell the story about one of my cousins who when he was young (age 15) and knew he was different but wasn’t sure what it was used to say, “If Jesus can die on the cross for us” then he can give me strength to get through this.” That kind of blows a hole in the argument that gay’s and lesbian’s don’t have faith.

    May God bless you.

  4. I was so excited to see this article as I too am so sick of the ‘lifestyle’ comments. I’ve posted numerous facebook status updates in regards to it as well such as “If someone else says lifestyle in front of me again I will vomit on them” Yeah I am that tired of it! Anyway thanks for the great read it was highly entertaining to see so many folks have as exciting lives as my fiancee and I do. We were giddy the other night when we were kid free and went to watch our neighbor’s band. Sad thing is we were home and in bed by 11 and it felt like we had been out til about 3 am. The joys of getting older I guess!

    • Jen,

      Indeed, the lifestyle word just makes me so frustrated. I am the type of person who is surprised over and over by people’s lack of knowledge coupled with a willingness to speak with authority. This word gets used by a lot of culturally illiterate folks with intense agendas. Let’s keep telling our stories so more people can learn an maybe live 🙂

  5. Man I am scared for the future of the country with all the scandalous things homosexuals seem to be doing!! All of you sound like me. My life is so incredibly boring as a single lesbian. I work, I go to school and I talk to some friends. Wow I think I am corrupting the world. Honestly I have some straight church going individuals whose “lifestyle” is more risky than mine.

  6. My lewd, lasivious, totally morally degraded lesbian horrow show. PS I’m Jewish too, so this makes me even more of the anti-Christ for denying Jesus as having anything to do with my soul. And I have two cats, so trigger warnings for beastiality.

    The alarm clock goes off. I clime over a pile of dirty clothes on the floor at the foot of the bed to hit snooze. Crawl back into bed to spoon for a few minutes with my wife at my back and my cat by my face sharing a pillow. The alarm clock goes off again. It’s her turn to hit snooze. Cat 1 gets up, stretches, and cat 2 comes over to curl up on my hip and purr at top volume. The alarm clock goes off a third time, we get up, use the bathroom, get dressed, feed the cats, pack breakfasts and lunches for work, snip at each other to get out the door on time, then get stuck in traffic.

    We do our jobs, I pick her up and we come home. Watch some TV, she finally caught up on the Olympics on DVR, I do dishes, make dinner, maybe run some laundry. Watch Chopped on food channel, and crochet an odd hat or scarf to donate to a homeless shelter. Listen to Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix on my ipod while washing dishes. Sometimes I even go online and read interesting theology blogs, and leave a random comment. Other times I do even more dirty, disgusting immoral acts like cleaning the kitty litter. I’ve even been known to call my parents to say hi, or swear while paying the bills. I dare to go out in public with my demonic lesbain powers and . . . . buy groceries, corrupting the poor starving children of this great country along the way by buying extra cans for the food shelf. Finally we go to bed, curl up around each other, and the horror begins anew the next day.

    I could go on, but you get the picture. I am clearly a terrible threat to all civilized society and must be shut away from all good people. ;~)


    • I am shocked, appalled and feel the need to warn others about your wanton destruction that is consuming everyone in a 100 mile radius!

      But seriously, thanks for posting, I am once again honored by the gift of a new voice at the table. These posts that others have contributed are beyond fantastic and I hope they keep on coming. I think this may be one of my favorite post/comment threads ever. It is exactly why I am doing this whole blog thing in the first place.

      So nice to meet you all!

  7. Hey Kim,

    I came across this “sermon” today called The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality. The man speaking, Matthew Vines, did such a great job in discussing the 6 clobber passages. Honestly, it was probably one of the best discussions that I have heard on the topic. I have devoted most of my summer break to reading as much as I possibly can on being a gay Christian in order to try and hopefully some day restore the relationship between my family and I…especially, as I move forward and live out the life that the Lord has set up for me.

    Anywhooooo….I couldn’t seem to find a way to email or contact you outside of posting on one of the threads, so I apologize that this doesn’t fit in with the current thread; however, it was something so moving that I wanted to share. It’s on youtube and is a little over an hour long.

    • Thank you Nicole I will take a look at it.

      I am sorry for the break in your family. I too experienced this pain and separation. In the end they had to come to some place inside themselves that no theological or sociological arguments could uncover. That is why this blog is so focused on stories and real people because I really believe that relationship is the key. I live from a biblical center and take scripture very seriously but do not take it literally/factually. But my mamma finally came around by thinking long and hard on the first bible verse she claims she was taught to memorize as a child: Judge not lest ye be judged. She chose relationship over right and maybe your family will too but do know that is on them to choose and you can know you are loved by God in the process. I pray that each step of this life that God has created for you to live will move you closer to the light of love.

  8. My spouse and I went on vacation last week, so we had a chance to engage in full-out homosexual dissipation as per our lifestyle requirements. Please allow me to report on the resulting visit to Providence, RI.

    The Boston Pike turned out to be exciting because they have Fresh Choice at one of the rest stops so we could have chicken wraps and fruit smoothies for lunch. It seems our slide downwards into decadence had begun. This continued when our hotel gave us a free upgrade to a room with a view of the state capitol. Yay! So we finished off our revelry by ordering cookies and tea from room service, calling home to check everything was okay, and playing a search and find game online.

    Then, on our first full day of the visit, we had a great walking tour with a fantastic lady who usually volunteers at First Baptist during which we discussed history, architecture, building conservation, and local politics, followed by salads all around for lunch. That evening was devoted to a concert given by a folk rock band from England. (Mumford and Sons are really good performers, it turned out.)

    Just to finish off this spree, after another walk around the state capital and exploring the Roger Williams National Memorial the next morning, we visited the art museum at the Rhode Island School of Design where we stared fixedly and with undue yearning at an Arts and Crafts table. Later, I even descended so far as to buy a replacement wristwatch and a book about the growth of cities at two of the local shops.

    Finally we drove home, arriving in time to feed our cat, put out the trash and recycling, catch up on e-mail, and for me to work on a marketing document. Oh, and there may have been viewing an episode of Doctor Who mixed in there somewhere. And some kisses. And trying to unplug a computer cord stuck in a plug just out of reach behind a headboard.

    Obviously the wild times never stop when you’re a homosexual. *g*

    • Oh my word, this is the absolute basest of lives – how can you live like this? How are you not praying for release from such a sinful existence 😉

      Hey, how was RSDI? I bet that was amazing!

      • It really was great. It’s a fairly small museum with an excellent cross-section of items well displayed, which gave us the chance to enjoy everything from Egyptian artifacts to Art Deco dresses without collapsing from fatigue afterwards. If I had a youngster with a yen toward art, this would be a great place to start them off.

        Apropos of none of the above, I like this blog very much indeed. Thanks for doing the good work.

        • Very cool recommendation about taking a kiddo there – I will definitely remember that and pass it along!

    • I know this is WAY late to respond to this post, but my husband and I spent 18 years 20 minutes from Providence—we both worked in the city. Am so glad you checked out the city, RISD, and the town. I miss RI very much—as we had to move from there a year ago.

      As to all the folks who posted her telling all us “straight” folks about their “life style”—sounds just like mine. I have never understood why straight folks get so bent out of shape over people of the same gender marrying and doing what married folks do—love each other and hopefully live a long and happy life together.

  9. Went to work four nights this week in the emergency department! On Monday, spent the day with my lovely gal; on Thursday we went for the final fitting for our tux(s) as we’re getting MARRIED next month! On Sunday, went to our lovely church service with our loving church family!

  10. My but FB is getting lurid these days…

    (thank you for helping celebrate snark week!)

    : )

  11. Oh no, I’ve done some of those things lately! Clearly I’ve fallen victim to the Big Gay Menace! Time to stop grocery shopping and sleeping. 🙁

  12. I think as a straight man with evolving views (h/t Obama), just being around regular everyday lgbt folks makes me realize how little there is to fear in our differences. The more I know folks in a committed relationship like mine, the more I’m challenged to question my reasons for wanting to condemn that. Just had to say, love the blog, reading yours and other similar blogs beginning recently and now regularly, helps keeps my religious views balanced. Knowing that lgbt’s (sorry if I’m using politically poor terminology) are just people like me, and getting to know them, makes it impossible for me to deny, condemn, or hate.

    • Wow Bob, this is the best thing I have read in a long, long time. Thank you for sharing your evolving journey with us here. Your presence and willingness to be open is a gift in this little online community and I imagine your local community. You are a HUGE part of the reason I do what I do!

  13. … weeded the flower beds, visited with a neighbor, took Communion to a shut-in, looked at Facebook; cooked dinner; watched Diane Sawyer, NCIS, and Covert Affairs, and went to bed with my sweetie.

  14. I am completely APPALLED by ALL of this “homo” debauchery! What is wrong with everyone?? If we don’t add some spice people are going to start thinking we aren’t trying to push an agenda here. LOL!!

    My week was so scandalous that I hesitate to write the words…
    I’m on summer break so I:
    watched the Olympics
    took my son to “hell-week” football practice every day
    made lunch for my partner every day
    played with the puppy and the old lab
    read a free book from my nook
    checked my facebook a gazillion times
    advised several of my students who are having summer drama
    studied several passages and blogs on what it means to be gay and a christian
    took the family to the bay for a day of boating with friends

    SHHHhhhhhh….don’t tell anyone!

    • Lasciviousness! Get thee behind me!!

      Love the whole trip to the bay part and hope the summer drama is smoothing out for your students 🙂

      Thanks for sharing <3

  15. Therein lies the virulence of the homosexual lifestyle. Every time you think you have a handle on it, some LGBT person does something outside the list. Such a variety in the comments above, and now here are mine:

    This weekend:
    -left my office at 4:30 p.m. and drove 100 or so miles to my accepting–no, warm and welcoming cousin’s home
    -had dinner with said cousin and her delightful husband

    -went hiking with said cousin’s husband
    -went to church with said cousin and husband
    -had a deliciously decadent (<–aha!) supper with cousin and husband
    -stayed up really late and watched the Perseid meteor shower with my cousin and shared cosmic God thoughts with her
    -slept in
    -had deliciously decadent late breakfast
    -had late picnic lunch with cousin and husband at mountain lookout park
    -climbed up and looked out at the gorgeous vista
    -drove back home and here I am back at my gay agenda-driven law office, herding paper to its rightful place in files, making and fielding phone calls.

    Oh, how I dig the radical, single lesbian lifestyle! Oh the audacity of it.

    • Gretchen,

      Debauchery! How lurid, how shocking – how can you live with yourself and the way your lifestyle threatens the lives of decent folk everywhere… 😉

      Ok, even joking just typing those words make my fingers very uncomfortable!

      You rock!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  16. Oh snap! Our week looks a lot like yours! Does that mean my wife and I are gay?

    Assumptions and stereotypes are hard to change, but more and more they are and what was once scary and strange is slowly (painfully?) becoming mainstream. Great post!!

    • Thanks Eric, yep y’all as gay as the day is long – and I mean that in the happy and free sort of gay!

      Yes, assumptions and stereotypes are hard to change and easy to use for political positioning so I hope that a few folks who still think there is a monolithic ANYBODY lifestyle will stumble across this post and think about it for just a minute 🙂

      Thanks for taking a second to drop me a line!

  17. Monday- filed police report for break in at work- dealt with staff’s distress and concern, continued about work details, setting up a “produce stand” of free fruits and veggies for students donated by a local farmers market. went home to walk dog, clean house and do laundry, went to bible study at church to watch a video of someone once again proclaim “love the sinner, hate the sin- pompous piety served al la code”
    Tuesday- caught up on emails before work, work, home, walk dog, watch Olympics
    Wednesday- repeat Tuesday geo-caching with no success
    Thursday- drank too much coffee, turned on AC first time in 2 years, paid bills
    Friday- meeting with interfaith clergy and laity for economic issues especially living wages, workers concerns, prayed for worker facing NLRB, prepared for finance meeting, emails emails emails, sermon prep for Sunday
    Saturday- more laundry, finance meeting mid afternoon in the sweltering heat- geo-caching at the beach with spouse, dog, and SUCCESSfully finding a micro 🙂
    Sunday- feed cats and dog, made coffee, panic mode printing sermon details, short tempered with spouse, off to church for “retro music worship” (sorry but message was not retro, had to use smartphone for prompts) unloaded and sorted 10 boxes of produce (with spouse and student) at work, sweaty messy fun, still work 🙂 geo-caching with dog and spouse, SUCCESS again 🙂
    hohum, a tad boring I fear.

    • Your lifestyle and big gay agenda is awesome – I am especially in awe of your Friday 🙂

  18. Got in a lengthy argument recently with a Facebook connection around the whole Chick-fil-A drama. Realized that he kept changing the terminology that I was using. If I said, “I support expanding marriage rights to gay couples,” he would reply, “…why you oppose traditional marriage…” I finally had to stomp my feet and say, “How can you say I oppose traditional marriage? I’m a straight woman married to a man!” He immediately apologized. I’m sure if I were gay he would not have seen his error. It reminded me that language is half the battle. This whole “homosexual lifestyle,” “opposing traditional marriage,” “Christian values,” business is BS. It’s subversive. Keep up the awesome posts!!!

    • Thanks Anna, you really cut to the heart of the matter. The semantics game is going to get us no where so I hope by being a little hyperbolic in my title and just numbingly boring in the litany of my life I can help folks think more deeply about using language as a weapon.

      I am sorry to say that you are likely right, only a straight, married individual would even hope to get an apology. When I ask “how exactly does me wanting a marriage threaten marriage?” it gets very twisted and heated quickly.

      I’m stirring around a way to be in conversation with someone here in the blog that would be able to respectfully go back and forth with me to explore the meme of gay marriage destroys all marriage because I just don’t get that line of thinking in the least.

  19. This is, of course, the secret fear of straight people–that they are just like us. Hence the projection of the debauchery that they wish they were having and the ruining of “traditional” marriage that they are mostly happy to accomplish for themselves.

    I do propose that we contact Morgan. I would gladly participate in such a documentary project, if only to hear his silky voice. (Plus, I’d love to see some gay penguins in the redo of “March of the”)

    • Oooo, anything Mr. Freeman says or does is pretty much amazing so yeah, let’s make that happen! Have you seen the independent film “10 items or less”? Good stuff but way too short 🙂

    • Klondike you are exactly right of the homophobes at least. Not all straight folks fear that. I have lots of wonderful friends who are totally cool with my fiancee and I. There are some real ‘winners’ out there though isn’t there!?!?

  20. Nice. Hmm… most subversive thing I’ve done all week was march with my glbt marching band inside a city park to the wild applause of the (mostly) straight families in the park. I’m with Tobey. A documentary (narrated by Morgan Freeman) would be awesome 🙂

  21. Love the article. I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one living the “homosexual lifestyle” that doesn’t fit into the str8 public’s expectations.

    Oh, oh, oh!!! We should make the most boring LBGT documentary every. Narrator: “And here we see the homosexual male paying bills after a long day at a boring desk job…”

    • Oh yeah Tobey that would rock! “Here you see him in his native habitat…will he choose pinto or black beans in his Moes burrito?”

    • A great read! It was such cool sleeping weather in Woodstock that I had to wake my partner so he didn’t miss his train. Also made him some tea. Then I washed the rug the cat threw up on. Now I have to go to the grocery.
      Sorry so kinky! Hope nobody blushes!