Jodie Foster was already out

Jodie Foster was already out January 14, 2013

Jodie Foster came out last night but she really came out a long time ago. In her own way.

I bet I am gonna get some serious flak from a few of my queer sisters & brothers but hey, that’s what blogs are for eh? Speaking your own truth and letting the chips fall where they may.

I understand and respect how Ms. Foster has chosen to conduct her career. But guess what, even if I didn’t, who the hell cares? Just because I carry rainbow gymnastic ribbons in my back pockets does not mean everyone else can or should. In fact, she may have done more good than folks are willing to acknowledge by living her personal life in a very understated, matter-of-fact way that says “hey, my family is just like any other family”. Perhaps she did not need her sexuality to define her career (good). Maybe she did not want her career to be co-opted by anyone else’s agenda (ok).

Frankly, I am a little frustrated, maybe even flat-out sick of some queer folks believing they have the right to set ground rules for coming and living out. We can be out in many different ways. I am a very public lesbian, but not all are called to be so. My partner, wife, co-parent has chosen concentric rings of trust and intimacy as she selects who is worthy of welcoming into her personal life. She can compartmentalize her personal from her professional life. No, this is not my way. Yes, it actually hurts me at times to know I am the invisible spouse (no pictures of me grace her desk at work). Right, it is not always easy for me but it is right for her. And love tells me I need to allow her to find her own way rather than demand she do it mine. Some of us lead with a trumpet (or clickety-clacky blog) while others lead with quiet consistency. This journey is different for everyone, thanks be to God.

I long for a day when we no longer have to “come out” and when the constitution of my family is not fodder for local gossip. I believe in a day when no one needs speculate about the sexuality of the stars. I pray for the day when my blog is obsolete.

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184 responses to “Jodie Foster was already out”

  1. Kimberly, as a straight ally, I too long for the day when sexuality, gender, etc, etc is simply an uninteresting point of focus. Or at least as compelling descriptors as straight, right-handed, protestant. 🙂

  2. Thank you for this Kimberly. Prompted me to reflect on how I set ground rules for all kinds of folks, in all kinds of ways, on all types of issues (nothing to do with sexuality/sexual orientation). I’m sad I’ve spent so much of my life doing this, praying now for acceptance and action. Peace be with you, and your family.

  3. Agreed about hoping for a day when everyone understands that it’s just love and that there’s nothing to fear in love.

  4. THIS: “And love tells me I need to allow her to find her own way rather than demand she do it mine.”

    Such a beautiful statement, and applicable to all of life. I think I’ll be meditating on that one.

  5. You have actually made me check myself and my own loud-and-proud critique of her speech. Thanks for remind me to humble and respect everyone’s individual ways.

    • Thank you for your honesty Leah. See, the thing is, I really do know that the more people are out the less we need to come out. I really do understand that straight folks don’t have to keep their private lives private (though I sure wish some would, Hugh). In the end though, it is not Jodie’s responsibility to take on the whole of LGBT freedom and justice if she is not called to do that. There are those who will and can so that maybe one day, just maybe, we can stop talking about it and just live and love in peace. <3 U Leah!