This weekend’s homosexual agenda

This weekend’s homosexual agenda November 9, 2013

So that you have ample time to stock your apocalypse shelter and say goodbye to the world as you know it, I thought I should share my homosexual agenda for the weekend…be afraid, be very afraid.

Hang around on FB
Put on favorite old work clothes (some right out of the hamper)
Run to Flying Biscuit for take-out breakfast
Build a Saturday morning backyard fire

Read a few blogs
Read an actual book
Write in a notebook (with a pencil – only Ticonderogas for me)
Check in on FB
Run around the neighborhood with the dogs and Thing 2
Clean out basement (it looks like an episode of Hoarders down there)
Drink a craft beer – Brother Thelonious to be precise
Do a little laundry
Put some goodies on Craig’s List and Ebay to keep raising $$ for Thing 1’s study abroad trip to France (check back for a link to buy some gently used junk)
Help out at the Kirkwood United Church of Christ Auction tonight
Check in on FB
Watch a little TV or maybe indulge in a whole movie (what movie should I download tonight?)
Sleep in on Sunday
Check in on FB
Read & write some more
Post a blog about Thing 1’s father. Yup, it’s time to introduce y’all to my baby daddy.
Make a menu for the week
Buy ingredients to make breakfasts, pack healthy lunches & family dinners

Take kiddo & dogs for a long walk on the Beltline
Post pics on Instagram
Clean the house
Go to church
Hang out with friends at a church family cook out
Pick up wife from airport (after her Aikido winter camp where she is taking her shodan test!)
Snuggle and sleep peacefully while the world collapses from the unbearable weight of my lascivious lifestyle

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618 responses to “This weekend’s homosexual agenda”

  1. Folks! I think the rapture has just happened! I went to church today, and there were no gay or lesbian people in the congregation – just gaps where they should have been. Please tell me it was because of the rapture.

    • Sounds about right.

      “O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth will no longer cause terror.”

  2. Who in the world woulda thunk that we’s just normal people! if only we actually took time to get to know one another, eh? Well, I best get back to doing laundry and contributing to the end of the world as we know it.

  3. yeah, yeah. I think you forgot the most obvious item: “Park my creepy, windowless van in a nearby neighborhood so I can lure in unsuspecting children in order to brainwash them into adopting a homosexual lifestyle, too.” If you keep forgetting to add that to these lists people are going to think your agenda is no different than that of a straight person!! 😉

  4. Sounds as dangerous as my homosexual agenda for the day
    Go to church where I am on set up and pack down ( earthquakes make for more temporary church locations.)
    Finish filling out my teacher training book for last semester to hand in
    Make salad for bonfire
    Finally play new xbox game as reward for my school year ending
    Go to church bonfire
    Burn shit
    Introduce new children to the wonder that is toasted gummy bears
    Make sure children are not hurting themselves in hay barn
    Come home and practice ukulele

    Such a dangerous dangerous agenda

  5. I have fond memories of the Flying Biscuit! On a visit to the inlaws a few years ago, we were staying in some Midtown hotel which served the typical bagel/bread-based “breakfast.” That’s good enough to get me on my feet for a while, but if I don’t get protein within an hour or two, the day goes downhill fast. We had a fairly long walk to their place, and I found this place on the way. They seemed somewhat disturbed by my take out order which included only two or three different varieties of bacon, turkey bacon, sausage etc. Just put the meat in the bag, take my money, and there won’t be any trouble! It was excellent stuff as I recall.

  6. Aikido is great! A great choice 🙂

    I studied a “generic” Karate class in my teens, because my parents heard of fights going on in school and they wanted me to be able to both defend myself and control myself if I got angry. Unfortunately, I had need of both! Fortunately, it worked in both regards.

  7. Oh, I KNEW it! You’re weekend is just like mine! Mundane tasks, chores, church, sleeping in, family, and simple joys. As a heterosexual progressive feminist Christian, I just don’t know what to say, except God Bless You, my Sister! I don’t have an apocalypse shelter–there’s no basement in this house. I’m trusting God to see me through whatever comes next.

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