3 Ways to Cultivate Real Love in Your Relationship

There is so much depth to real love, a web of different strands that all come together to mature and grow the relationship. That said, many couples believe they are experiencing real love, when they are actually feeling the euphoria of just a strand or two.

For example, the beginning of a relationship is full of passion, physical attraction and a longing to never be apart. This can feel like true love and it sends many young couples running down the aisle to get married before they are ready. The term “love at first sight” is a perfect example of this phenomenon.

Others may have been together for some time, perhaps even married, but they mistake romance or materialistic gifts and fancy trips as real love. Being romantic with one another does help strengthen the bond of a deeper love, but it isn’t enough to sustain it. Nor is a relationship based on luxury items going to do the trick. It might feel good to have these things, but over time they won’t be enough to keep the relationship sound, either.

So, what is necessary to cultivate real love in your relationship? Here are three important qualities of successful, long-term relationships:

1. Your Lover Should Also Be Your Best Friend

It’s healthy for you and your lover to have your own social circles and time with friends, but you need to truly enjoy spending time with your partner if the love is to survive for a lifetime. Most of your free time will be with your mate, day and night. It is a magical feeling to be comfortable enough to share the full range of who you are, whether it’s talking with your spouse, crying on your mate’s shoulder, holding hands while watching a movie or playing a game on a cold, rainy day.

2. You Should Feel Devoted And Committed To Your Partner

This sounds simple, but actually many relationships crumble because they lack devotion and commitment for the long term. Perhaps the couple jumped into a serious relationship too quickly without getting to know one another. Or, they may have let the intensity build too quickly, afraid to be alone.

Whatever the circumstances, commitment cannot be sustained over time if it isn’t felt by both individuals. One or both members of the couple may begin to see signs of incompatibility or trouble and start to stray, spend a lot of time out of the home, etc., to avoid the uncomfortable feelings. Real love can only grow when two people are committed to being together no matter what life brings, whether good or bad.

3. Healthy Communication Must Be In Place

If two individuals can’t communicate effectively in a healthy way, one or both will end up not having his or her needs being met. Over time, that feeling can breed resentment and begin to erode the relationship. A couple needs to have the ability to share ideas without criticism, compromise, express needs freely and feel respected. Communication, when carried out effectively, can make all of those things happen.

As you can see, cultivating real love entails digging beneath the surface. The excitement of new love, physical attraction, romance, and gifts  are the top soil – but for the roots to grow deep, there needs to be more. A couple need to be friends, and to communicate openly and as equals in the partnership. Most of all, there needs to be a devotion and commitment to each other, no matter what life may bring.

—

Grace Pamer is a work from home mom and the author of the website Romance Never Dies, one woman’s quest to reaqcuaint the world with the art of writing love letters.