Advice: My Husband’s Weight is Crushing Our Sex Life

Advice: My Husband’s Weight is Crushing Our Sex Life April 24, 2014

Dear Love Inshallah,

My husband has gained a lot of weight. When we got married, he was a bit overweight but it never affected our relationship or our sex life. Four years later, he is obese. His energy is down and when we have sex, it has become difficult to find a suitable position. When he is on top, his weight crushes me. When I am on top, his stomach is too large and the penetration is not as deep. He says he will exercise but something always comes up and he never does. Meanwhile his waist line continues to expand. What should I do?



Dear Crushed,

According to the Center for Disease Control, more than one third of Americans are obese. The cost of America’s obesity epidemic is staggering. In many ways, it is the great equalizer. Everyone is at risk for getting fat in America and it seems our natural inertia as Americans is to get fat.

There is another statistic to consider. According to Dr. Oz, your penis gains an inch for every 35 pounds you lose. Actually it is a bit more of an optical illusion—when a man gains weight, his penis is often enveloped in folds of fat. So weight gain can also lead to lower energy, smaller penis size, higher risk of obesity, and in many cases, a lower libido.

That said, as work hours increase, as food prices rise, and as portions increase, losing weight is not just about jumping on a tread mill or eating healthy. It is about being able to afford to eat healthy and to exercise. It is also about genetics and a complex other host of things. Sometimes the solution, imperfect as it is, is to work around the problem.

However it might be that even with new sex positions, you are still not sexually satisfied. It might be that your partner expects a certain fitness standard of you that he does not hold for himself. It might be that your partner no longer feels he is an attractive person. It might be that you no longer feel sexually attracted to him.

The best thing is to talk to your partner and inform him that his weight gain is not only a health risk to him but is also impacting your sex life. Perhaps come up with a solution—play tennis once a week, dance in front of the TV—encourage your partner to exercise by taking the first fitness steps with him. And he continues to rebuff you and gain weight, then perhaps the issue is not his weight but his attitude.

Shy Desi Boy

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