Love Is a Broken Heart?

If you don’t want Frozen spoilers, don’t read this post, because I can’t write it without spoilers. But then, if you don’t want Frozen spoilers that means you still haven’t seen the movie . . . so seriously, just go watch it and then come back and read the post.

Prince Hans is the justification for the entire courtship ideal taught in the conservative Christian homeschooling subculture. It goes like this: There are men out there ready to prey on women, and women are so easily befuddled by their love hormones that they won’t be able to see through it, so women need protecting.

See how fast Anna fell for Hans? See how easy it was for Hans to make Anna think he was a good, upstanding man who was honestly and truly in love with her? See how easily he deceived her? She clearly needed protection. If her father had been alive, he would have seen straight through Hans, and would have recognized what he was up to.

But because Anna didn’t have her father there to protect her, this was the result.

As you can see, the dating world is a dangerous place for women. If she wants to be safe, a woman should put her love-life in her father’s hands and allow him to control and guide her relationships. Her father, you see, will be able to see through the lies and trickery of unworthy men. Otherwise, well, the result will be a broken heart—or worse, much, much worse.

This, of course, is what I was taught, and not what I believe today. But as I watched Frozen, I was struck by how easily what played out on the screen could play into the arguments I heard growing up, arguments about the treachery of men and young women’s romantic vulnerability and need of protection. But of course, this is not the fault of the film’s writers, because there is a much more straightforward lesson to be taken from what happened between Hans and Anna.

You see, Anna fell for Hans as quickly as she did in large part because of her sheltered and isolated upbringing. She had seen nothing of the world, and she knew that this ball might be her only chance to find “true love.” Anna was gullible, innocent, and inexperienced. She was an easy target for an abuser because she had not been given the tools or experience she needed to recognize warning signs or keep herself safe.

Rather than focusing on “protecting” their daughters, fathers in the conservative Christian homeschooling subculture (and in the general culture as well) should focus on providing their daughters with the tools they need to protect themselves. If Anna had not been kept ignorant of men and of the world in general, she might have noticed some warning signs. If she had been given some degree of freedom rather than being kept in the palace like a prisoner, she would not have jumped recklessly into the arms of the first guy who looked her way, nor would she have needed to.

Besides, the father-as-protector ideal fails miserably for several reasons.

First, as a commenter pointed out, we have no guarantee that Anna’s father would have seen through Hans. While she cited the speed of the engagement, Elsa’s main reason for refusing her blessing was her desire to hide her powers, not suspicions that Hans was not what he claimed. True, Elsa wasn’t male and didn’t have the experience of her father, but I’ve talked to women who went through father-guided courtships and yet ended up with an abuser. Fathers don’t have some sort of magic powers when it comes to seeing through people.

Second, daughters can and do find ways to subvert their father’s attempts to control their relationships. Elsa stood in for Anna’s father in a likely patriarchal culture and withheld her blessing for the match. We don’t know what Anna would have done about Elsa denying her permission to marry, because the plot took a turn and more important things took precedence. But from what we see of Anna in the film, I think it’s safe to say there is a good chance Anna would have run off with Hans. Better to equip a woman and set her free than to attempt to pen her in only to have her break out defenseless.

As I watched Anna and Hans, I couldn’t help but think of myself and my own life story. I’m struck by how many young women like myself left patriarchal or oppressive homes only to jump headlong into the arms of the first man who looked our way. This is rather reckless, but isn’t surprising either. As for myself, I fell for Sean and I fell hard. I had so few tools, so little knowledge of men, so little understanding of how healthy relationships function—things could have gone very badly wrong, but I got lucky. So as I watch Anna, I sympathize. I understand.

I’m really not sure why it’s not transparently obvious that equipping daughters with healthy relationship skills and a keen understanding of how people work is more effective keeping them ignorant and sheltered and “protecting” them from harm. I’d like to hope that this is the message that comes across to Frozen’s audience, but I rather fear that some out there will twist the story to fit their preconceived ideas about daughters, suitors, and fathers.