Some words of wisdom for a Monday

Listen, if you’re ever at a wedding at, say, a barn in a beautiful vineyard (for example), and you’re walking down the concrete stairs wearing shoes that look like this:

It’s very important that you hold the rail. Don’t be all Look at me, I can walk down these stairs without holding the rail! Because what might happen (and this is totally hypothetical) is your right foot might come down just a little off on the fourth to bottom stair, which might send you propelling head first toward the bottom of the stairs. And you might find yourself lying with your head on the ground and your legs in the air. Then you might think two significant thoughts: 1) Did anybody see me? And then 2) It’s really bad to hit your head on the concrete.

Your darling little blue dress might not hide much when you’re lying at a 45 degree angle so it’s important to stand up if you can and survey the damage. When you realize that besides the strawberry welt/knot on your forehead, the shoe-related heel and ankle bruises, the shoulder wound and the long I-will-never-be-allowed-to-forget-this-because-there’s-no-doubt-it-will-scar shin scratch, you will think, Thank you Lord that I didn’t really hurt myself. (Falling head first on concrete steps could have resulted in worse things than shin scars.) Then you’ll think, I need to find my husband so he’ll feel sorry for me.

Not that I’m admitting this actually happened to me. This is purely hypothetical. It’s not that I’d be so pathetically sore that I’d be unable to think of anything else meaningful to write about on a Monday morning.

What I’m trying to say is, Always hold the rail! Especially if 1) You’re wearing super cute shoes and 2) The stairs are concrete.

I’m off to take some Advil.

Love,

Micha