The Mormon Therapist
Due to the ongoing sexual issues/questions being brought up on this blog I will try to give some weekly sexual tips that hopefully couples will find helpful to spicing up, rethinking or communicating about their sex lives. Not all of the information will apply to every couple. Just use what you might find helpful and be willing to challenge yourself in the process.
Husbands: Realize that your wife has a natural need for affection. Make it a goal to hug and kiss your wife every morning while you’re still in bed – without any attempt to make this gesture about sex. Kiss her again before you leave for work. Tell her you love her daily and sincerely. Call her once during the day just to see how she’s doing. Help her with the dishes after dinner. Hug and kiss her again before going to sleep.
Wives: Realize that your husband has a natural need for sex. Testosterone is much more highly concentrated in men than in women. Stop blaming him or belittling him (even if only in your thoughts) for a drive that is biological in nature. Rather than making yourself just “available” for sex, you will be much more successful if you commit yourself to learning how to enjoy sex as much as your husband does.
Both: Be willing to have the following discussions together (whether in verbal or written form if that’s easier)-
1. Are we both satisfied with our sex life? If not, where do we think the problems are stemming from?
2. Do we need to become more educated about sex (i.e. get a good sex ed book)?
3. According to Willard F. Harley (author of His Needs Her Needs), “…marriage is a very conditional union. If I do not try to meet my spouse’s needs, and she does not try to meet mine, we may be technically married, but we will not know the happiness and fulfillment marriage should provide.” Do we agree or disagree with this statement? Why?
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