What about taking a class on sex?

I remember before I got married my father told me not to “look to the world for a sexual education” but that it was up to my wife and I to “figure things out”. We’ve been married less than 10 years but it feels like things have gotten very routine for us. There are only a few different positions we use and when we decide to try something new it rarely works and usually leads to frustrations.

Having moved out of Utah recently I’ve started hearing advertisements on the radio for sex shops that teach sex ed classes. I’ve read reviews on some of these places and while some of the shops essentially peddle in porn, there are other shops that really cater to the needs of their customers.

I’m wondering what is your opinion about turning to other sources besides exploration to liven up a couple’s sex life?

My feeling is that main stream Mormon culture would look down on taking classes about sex or using sex toys. I’m honestly really curious and have talked briefly with my wife about it. She seems open to try something new but I just haven’t gotten to the point where I’ll walk into a sex shop with her or sign up to take a class.

Are classes on sex and sex toys a possible boon for our relationship or should I avoid them as the filth that my father taught me they were?

I think that the basis of your father’s advice is correct. First of all, I’m glad that he acted on the importance to tell you anything at all. Secondly, he made the point that it would be up to you and your wife to figure things out. And that is correct. Now, HOW you both decide to figure it out is open to all kinds of possibilities. There are many sexual education avenues available that are appropriate, can be extremely helpful and are aligned to our values as LDS members. I don’t know about you, but “figuring things out” usually includes becoming educated. If I want to know about photography for instance, I can spend a lot of time experimenting and trying things out on my own. And I may enjoy some levels of success. However, I am limiting myself in the success I would obtain if I was open to studying, reading, even taking a class on the vast knowledge available on the subject including things I may have not ever thought of on my own: lenses, lighting, digital touch ups, film development, framing, etc., etc., etc. Heavenly Father has been pretty clear in His expectation for us to take responsibility of our education – in all aspects of life. The more we know, the more we study – the more enriched our lives become.

What will be important for you to do before signing up for such classes is to contact the instructor(s) and ask some basic questions: what information will be covered? what is the purpose or goals of the class? is the class geared towards married couples? is there a refund policy if you find yourself uncomfortable with the content of the class and decide to leave early?

WHERE you decide to go to a sex class will also usually affect the style and level of appropriate material you will encounter. There are classes offered through local universities, couple retreats offered by relationship professionals, Christian churches that offer seminars, etc. I would probably be a bit wary of a store, since they will be trying to sell products and probably not only be catering to married couples or even heterosexual couples, but you can always call and ask. Even taking a class on basic human sexuality (at the college level) can be a helpful place to start.

As far as sex toys, I consider these appropriate tools for a couple to use to increase playfulness and creativity in the bedroom. A great resource is to order on-line. Simplysweetmarriage.com is a good site that sells many useful products and the consumer is protected from any inappropriate or pornographic material.