Awkward Questions

To be honest, I can’t remember what exactly we did over the last weekend with the exception of going to an Iftar and my Halaka.

After Jummah prayers on Friday, there was an announcement for a community Iftar at the mosque on Saturday.  I waited until after all of the Sunnah prayers were finished and I approached one of the ladies who always says hello to me to ask about the Iftar Dinner.  I have only been to a handful of Iftars in the time we have been together, and most recently within the last 4 years.  Most of them are private events, where we are invited by friends to their homes or a hall they have rented. We have sponsored and participated in our own dinners, but we’ve never attended a community Iftar.  The point being, is that I didn’t know what to bring!

So, I asked.  Do we bring a main dish, do we bring drinks or do we bring dessert?

We bring dessert.

Ok.

So, we made Strawberry Trifle.  Our recipe actually ends up filling 2 bowls, so we brought both.  It ended up being a great thing that we had the two bowls because the men and women were eating completely apart.

I’m a bit sick of the segregation at this point.  I know maybe, 4 people there, and no one is able to sit next to each other.  I ended up sitting with my daughters in a room where we were the only people speaking English.  I really don’t like eating separate from my husband and son.  I don’t understand why we couldn’t eat with our families.

The night was a mixed bag of uncomfortable interactions, but the highlight of the night was when a hijabi lady (who was wearing jeans and a button down men’s oxford shirt) questioned why I was there.

I was in line for the dessert buffet with both of my daughters when a lady cut into line ahead of them and turned around and asked their names.  They answered politely, and then she looked up and asked me where I was from.  So, I responded.

Then she proceeded to ask me if I was Muslim.  I am wearing Abaya, I am wearing the Insha’Allah necklace, I have subtle makeup and my shoes are off.  I am with my daughters, one of whom chose to wear hijab that night.  WHY did she feel the need to question my religion?  I answered her that my family is Muslim.  She looked directly at me, and asked the same question again.  “Are you Muslim?” There was no reason for this question, aside from making me feel uncomfortable, so I answered her WHY?  Just “WHY?”

She shut up, turned back to cutting in front of my daughters and got her sweets and didn’t talk to us again.  But that was the icing on the cake.  I was soo pissed!  I wanted to leave, I wanted to make her feel just as unwelcome as I had felt the whole evening.  But I stayed.  I placated my daughter, who noticed that the rude lady had cut in line, and we ate our dessert.  Shortly afterwards, it was time to go.

The whole reason for attending this Iftar was to help our children get used to the people in the community, to feel more comfortable, to be part of the whole.

I feel like it was a failure on all fronts.  From the women’s side.