Reach Out, Chapter 3: The Intervention

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

The 60-Second Read

The Problem: You’ve finally found a direction and a plan, but the people closest to you panic. Well-meaning friends and family try to “fix” your crisis by pushing you toward safe, immediate compromises that threaten to erase your true identity and potential.

The Insight: Other people’s anxiety can be contagious. They may use toxic positivity or guilt to pressure you into taking the “low-hanging fruit” because it relieves their discomfort. Their advice, while well-intentioned, can become an obstacle to your progress.

The Action: You must draw a line in the sand. Claiming your personal agency means saying “no” to the easy way out, trusting the foundation you’ve built, and taking the wheel of your own life, even when the passenger seat is full of critics.

This series: In this series, we look at developing personal agency. In this chapter, we explore how to defend that agency against external pressures and the fear-based expectations of others.

What is Personal Agency?

Personal agency is the capacity to act independently and make your own choices, feeling you have control to influence your life, set goals, and take effective action to achieve them, rather than being a passive subject to external forces. It involves beliefs about your ability to make things happen (efficacy), planning (forethought), self-management, and persistence to navigate challenges and shape your own outcomes.

Self-Determination: The power to decide what you want and need.
Goal-Directed Action: Setting goals and taking deliberate steps to reach them.
Sense of Control: Feeling empowered and responsible for your life’s direction.
Efficacy & Competence: Believing in your ability to succeed and act effectively.
Contextual Awareness: Recognizing influences (like social structures or bad weather) but choosing how to respond to them.

Relevance: Without personal agency you get nowhere. God can make it possible. Only you have the power to take steps forward. But with God you become a creative force that makes a new future for you with dazzling prospects.

Mary stood in the cereal aisle, paralyzed by a dollar sign. She held a box of store-brand “Oat Circles” in one hand and the name brand in the other. The price difference was eighty cents. She put the name brand back.

“That’s actually a flavorful cereal. We like it as well as the name brand.”

Mary froze. It was Brenda—her impeccably dressed friend from church, and Tom’s wife. Brenda’s cart was full of fresh produce and premium meats. Mary looked embarrassed and stuffed it in the cart like a hot rock.

“We missed you at the gym this week,” Brenda said, her eyes scanning Mary’s cart. “Everything okay?”

“Family virus,” Mary lied. “Twenty-four-hour bug.” She couldn’t admit they were broke. The lie tasted sour and she wanted to go spit. She saw Brenda’s life of normalcy and felt a million miles away.

The_Family — The Family. Gemini_Generated_Image

Song Reach Out on YouTube by Dorian Scott Cole.

Brenda stepped closer, dropping her voice to a sympathetic whisper. “We’ve had to downgrade several times. It seems like Tom has been unemployed as much as he’s been employed. Thankfully we’ve had fill-in jobs to keep us going. How are you doing?”

“Okay, I guess, considering.”

“Any news on the job front?”

Mary shrugged, hesitated, but the fear had nowhere else to go. “No. He’s been hiding in his office for three days. I think he’s just messing around on the Internet to avoid reality. He comes to bed tired, but he hasn’t sent a single resume. I think he’s depressed. This was quite a blow.”

Brenda’s eyes lit up with a project. “I’ll speak to Tom. Maybe we can do… a family help session. Not an intervention—that sounds too harsh. Just a ‘kick in the rear’ with love.”

Mary had mixed feelings. They liked Tom and Brenda, but this was an intrusion. But what could she do? She was helpless, Elias was … doing whatever. Turning down help was not in the scope of survival. It should have made her happy for the help, but it made her angry.

Mary’s temper was flaring when she arrived home. She went directly to their bedroom and crashed, hoping to cool off and not start an argument. Maybe Elias would come to his senses and start getting interviews.

Saturday the house was quiet, but Mary was pacing the floor hoping for good news from Elias.

Sarah rose from her late morning nap, entered rubbing sleep from her eyes, and asked, “Is he still “in the cave?”

“I’m scared he’s just depressed and sulking. He’ll come around.”

“The clock is ticking. Put a fire under him.”

Brenda and Tom bustled in like a rescue squad, carrying Tupperware and an air of aggressive helpfulness. Brenda immediately took over the kitchen, sliding a casserole into the oven to warm it up.

“Dad!” Sarah shouted. “Tom and Brenda are here. They brought lunch. Come on!”

They all sat in the living room. Elias came out looking disheveled but surprisingly focused, holding a stack of papers and a notebook. He had a big smile on his face.

“How goes the job search,” Tom asked.

“Well, depends. I’m gaining direction but no leads yet. Of course, it’s still early, and-”

Tom interrupted. “Well, I have some really great news,” Tom offered. “As a stopgap, or maybe permanent if you want, there is a job opening at my brother’s warehouse. It’s not moving boxes, it’s supervising.”

Elias stiffened. “Tom, I appreciate that. But that’s not the direction I’m going.”

Sarah, alarmed, rose from her chair. “But Dad! He just said you wouldn’t have to do it forever. This might save our home and maybe my college.”

“It would also prevent me from looking for a good job,” Elias said, his voice tightening. “A night shift warehouse job is exhausted survival. It leaves zero time to build what I need to build.”

“God closes a door to open a window! You just have to have faith!” Brenda said.

“When God sends you a boat, get on it,” Mary chimed in, her voice pleading.

“I think I found my boat,” Elias said with excitement. “I did this Decision Matrix online. It asks the hard questions and it really made me think deeply about my future. Our future. I looked at a lot of other tools, too, and they all made me realize that I’ve imposed a lot of limitations on myself by narrow thinking. I have a lot more to offer than I thought I did. I can find a really great job. I just have to decide on my direction and look for it.” He waved his notebook in the air.

Tom chuckled, a dry, dismissive sound. “You can eat directions or plans, and the electric company won’t accept them in lieu of paying the bill. Sometimes you just have to get practical.”

Elias insisted, “I can design systems to prevent fraud and abuse. I can pitch to major logistics companies. The potential is—“

“How’s that casserole doing, Brenda?” Tom asked. “I’m hungry.”

“So am I,” Sarah said in disgust.

Tom looked at Sarah like she was a different person than the daughter he knew. “Don’t you want me to find the right job for me and be happy, Sarah?”

Sarah looked sheepish. “Of course. I’m just afraid. I want our future to be secure and to go to college so I can make something of myself … besides a spoiled daughter.” She gave her dad a hug.

They had a quiet lunch as each person reflected on the chances of getting the job you want as opposed to taking the one at hand.

As they were about to leave, Tom asked, “Are you sure about this direction you’re going? You know our business, put together by four of us, was great on paper, and it worked for a while, but along came a tidal wave in the form of a national company that’s destroying us. Sometimes dreams don’t work out. It’s the business world. Dreams don’t matter to it.”

Elias tapped his notebook. “It’s all in the Decision Matrix sauce. I looked at the risks and all of the push-back on what could happen. I’ve decided to give it a try for a while. Look, if it doesn’t work-”

Tom ignoring Elias’ notebook, interrupted again. “Elias, buddy, you can’t eat dreams. I talked to the foreman at the warehouse. Starts tonight. It’s yours. I don’t know how long this job will be open.”

“Let me show you this decision matrix. I’ve spent three days analyzing my core skills versus market trends. I’m not just a troubleshooter. I can design an entire system to prevent fraud and abuse. I’m a Systems Architect. I can sell myself to major companies or set up an online platform. The possibilities are endless.”

“I feel for you. But until you land something, Systems Architect is just a fancy word for unemployed. Getting there means months of planning and then sales, and you have no business reputation to leverage. The warehouse job is available now.”

Elias was irritated at Tom’s insistence. He gave a weak smile.

Brenda put her hand on Elias’ shoulder. “I’m a school psychologist. I see this all the time with students. It’s Maslow’s Hierarchy. You’re trying to do ‘Self-Actualization’ at the top of the pyramid, but you don’t have the ‘Safety’ layer at the bottom. People always work on safety before they can climb the pyramid. Please consider the safe route.”

Elias knew they were only trying to help regardles of their insistence. He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Thanks. You’re great friends and we really need you now.”

They left. Mary sat down. Elias sat next to her and looked her in the eye. “They wouldn’t listen, but I have to consider my “personal agency.”

“What are you talking about now? Making some kind of agency?”

“I control my own future not go through life like a zombie doing whatever is easy or handed to me. If I take that job, it means I’m useless and the last twenty years of experience mean nothing. I am not a pair of hands. I have huge potential.”

“You’re also a father with bills,” Mary replied. “Bird in the hand, or take risks for two in the bush.”

Elias scowled at her. “You’re always the one talking about faith, Mary!” Elias shot back. “But the second I ask you to have faith in me, you fold?”

Mary recoiled as if slapped. She shook her head, unable to reconcile her theology with her fear. Or was her theology on both sides? She was confused.

Elias rose and looked at Mary and Sarah. “I’m going to prove I can.” He walked out.

Mary sat looking forlorn as he left the room.

Sarah said, “I have to admit, I’m impressed. His positive attitude is back and he’s actually going for the gold ring. I just hope he makes it.”