Encouraging Your Husband: Bring on the Gravy Part 3

Encouraging Your Husband: Bring on the Gravy Part 3 September 28, 2017

IMG_1401Today’s bit makes this woman’s husband sound childish, especially in his eating habits and likes and dislikes. Do we need to treat husbands like hunger children? This is a series looking at the marriage advice given in Nancy Campbell’s book ‘How to Encourage Your Husband’.

While packing for a move I have turned up are books, terrible idiotic books filled with toxic advice. One of those books is by Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies ‘How to Encourage Your Husband’. I think I ended up with this book in the aftermath of leaving my old church, given to me by one of my former friends that thought it would ‘help’ my marriage since in her eyes my husband leaving our old church meant that I wasn’t doing my job of wife well enough. Reading through this book now I cannot help but laugh at some of the suggestions. The book is entirely written by commenters and comments from Nancy Campbell’s website.

 

Spoil Your Man

I was walking along the beach one day and the Lord popped into my heart to make my husband a sticky date pudding, as it is one of his favorites. Men love to be spoilt, especially when it comes to food! I believe that when you do something special for your husband, his heart will melt and soften. My husband loves the smell of home baking when he walks through the door. He still likes to lick the wooden spoon with the uncooked leftovers or lick the cream off the beater. He loves to have a cookie while it is hot out of the oven. Nothing beats home baking.

One of the best ways to keep a marriage fresh is to keep the romance alive. Communicate your love by expressing it in a  practical way as well as verbal. Husbands are vision people. When they see the romantic scenes you create in your bedroom, bathroom or at your dining table they get excited. They literally see that you think they are special.

This finishes up this odious chapter. Next week is listening to your husband. A lot of this reads like relationshps 101 mixed with The Stepford Wives.


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NLQ Recommended Reading …

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • AFo

    To be fair, my dad does stuff like this; when my mom makes chicken in a pan, he scrapes the bottom to get whatever’s crusted on down there. On the other hand, my mom has never felt compelled by the lord to make chicken like this specially for him. My dad is enough of an adult to know that if he’s not doing the cooking, he shuts up and eats what he’s served. Luckily, he’s not a picky eater. Also, what is the obsession with having the table perfectly set and photo-ready the second hubby walks through the door? Seems like a lot of wasted time and effort.

  • Chiropter

    The Lord popped into her heart to make a dessert her husband liked? She can’t claim to have an original, and very normal, thought, but she can write whole books of bad advice to people?

  • Aloha

    The romantic scenes you create in your bedroom? That sounds enticing.
    Personally, I don’t do lingerie — it’s so uncomfortable! It’s either just T-shirt on or T-shirt off. I’m sure Nancy would have a lecture for me.

  • pagankitty

    1) Husbands are vision people because when you do something special for them they can tell that they’re loved?? How is that a gender specific thing?? When my husband prepares an evening, I can also appreciate that he took the time because he loves me. It’s a basic human thing.

    2) I can’t tell what scene she’s making in the dining room. Is she talking about the food again or does she enjoy being banged on the table?? Or both??

  • Gem

    The Lord popped into her heart to make a dessert her husband liked? She can’t claim to have an original, and very normal, thought, but she can write whole books of bad advice to people?

  • Emersonian

    My thought exactly. Seriously, her God does menu planning for her?? That’s ludicrous.

  • bekabot

    This is cute. It’s a sweet thought. Yet here once again we witness the phenomenon of the grown man as big baby with Divine license to boss his Mom around (since it’s the Lord who puts it into the wife’s mind to make kiddie food for her husband). No, there’s nothing wrong with grown-ups eating kiddie food and yes, it’s nice when a wife cooks things which her husband specifically likes. But why on earth does the man in these stories always turn out to want this nursery-school-type stuff (and not steak or salmon) when he doesn’t want gravy? Why is he (once again) in the position of an infant being spoon-fed tapioca (not that there’s anything wrong with tapioca)? Why? I’ve thought for a few years now that the marital relationship in the Fundagelical world is basically a parental relationship, a mother-and-son relationship, with the pecking order turned upside-down, and this particular anecdote doesn’t do much to convince me I’m wrong.

  • Almost a chimp

    the Lord popped into my heart to make my husband a sticky date pudding

    Why would the Lord make pudding in your heart, doesn’t he know how kitchens work? Or the damage it could do to your heart?

  • Almost a chimp

    I hope they turn the pictures of Jesus to face the wall. As well as the Jesus’ on sticks, the wobble-head Jesus, the Jesus action figures………

    I’ve just found my new favourite euphamism; “Fancy coming upstairs to turn Jesus, Darling?”

  • Tawreos

    I understand making a romantic scene in the bedroom and can kind of understand it in the dining room, but how the hell do you create a romantic scene in the bathroom? Does she light a bunch of candles and have special lingerie she wears for pooping? Did we just find out one of her husbands fetishes? Looks like it is a morning for Irish Coffee, hold the coffee.

  • evodevo

    lol

  • evodevo

    Fundies are caught in the Fifties (or earlier) … this is where a LOT of their stereotypes were born and are still cultivated. For them, it was the last good time period before those awful Sixties with all that free love and secular “thinking” was unleashed on the country lol

  • Iain Lovejoy

    “I believe that when you do something special for your husband, his heart will melt and soften.”
    Why doesn’t she know, why just “believe”? What seems “off” to me about the above (which ought to be the perfectly sensible – if prosaic – advice that one’s spouse likes it if you do something special for them) is not that it “infantalises” the husband because it is a bit of a child’s nursery food treat (she’s probably right that a lot of men – myself included – can be a bit of a sucker for that sort of thing) but that the whole thing reads as guesswork, the fathoming out of the likes and emotional states of some strange, speechless animal and not another human bring you can just ask whether he likes something and what makes him feel “special”, and is perfectly capable of telling you himself.
    It seems much the same with all the “advice” this blog dredges up from these fundies: there is never even a hint that husband and wife ever actually speak to each other beyond “what’s for dinner” and “pass the salt”. From what the advice says half the time the husband might as well be a mute.

  • SAO

    “when you do something special for your husband, his heart will melt and soften.” This suggest that her husband’s heart is normally icy and hard. Frankly, if you’re married to a cold, hard-hearted man, I think baking cake isn’t going to do much to help you.

  • Tawreos

    God probably told her that people really need her crappy advice. Wait, was that god or her bank account?

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Is that husband going to eat that entire sticky date pudding himself? I kind of doubt it. I have a suspicion that some of these women “spoil” their husbands because it’s the only acceptable way for them to ever get any treats, if only second-hand. It wouldn’t be acceptable to decide to make a sticky date pudding or a batch of cookies just because you love them and would like some sweet treats. No, that would probably be a sinful indulgence in rich, unhealthy food, which can make you fat and unattractive and let the whole world know how undisciplined you are. But serving and spoiling a husband? What are you gonna do, men love rich sweets and you need to make them feel loved and be the perfect wife who meets their every need and want and the LORD even told you to do it! Oh and you’ll have a slice of that pudding or a cookie yourself, you guess, since you’ve already made it and all, on orders from the Lord. As with sex, only men are allowed to love food.

    I also love to make tasty food. Learning how to cook well yourself is the easiest way to eat the kinds of food you want and have them be good. I also love to ply my friends and loved ones with good food as a way to show care and affection (hey, it’s what Jews do…) but I make no secret of the fact making food is also for my own pleasure. But I don’t live in a subculture that teaches that pleasure is bad unless you’re a man and it’s being furnished for you by your wife as an act of service.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Who isn’t a sucker for sticky date pudding? It’s delicious! You don’t need to be a man to love that sort of thing. But, in this world, you do need to be a man for it to be acceptable to enjoy any kind of she sensory indulgence so if you’re a woman who wants some sticky date pudding, better hope your husband has a sweet tooth so “the Lord” can tell you to make one.

    What, it wasn’t her idea. It was the Lord’s!

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    I’m thinking sexy bath or something?

  • gimpi1

    OK, baking can be fun, and there’s nothing wrong with doing something for someone you love, just to give them a kick. However, when you turn it into a mandate for life and when it’s all one way, that’s when it becomes destructive. Mrs. Alexander doesn’t seem to get that distinction.

  • gimpi1

    OOh, good catch, PaganKitty. Now that you mention it, she doesn’t make that clear, does she?

  • AuntKaylea

    It was the “in the bathroom” one that made me snicker.

  • AuntKaylea

    Maybe she secretly uses prunes in the pudding instead of dates. . .

  • Aloha

    Also, seems like the woman is part of the “scenery” of these scenes. No action required.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    I resisted as long as I could: And what does a man do to Jesus in the bedroom to “turn” him, exactly?

  • Saraquill

    Ewww. She makes it sound like she’s married to a five year old, and by extension, committing horrible statutory crimes.

  • smrnda

    The problem is that their view of the 50s comes from the few TV shows available at the time. The reason those houses look so clean and the kitchen is always spotless and dinner presented nice is that it’s a set and not a real house.

  • smrnda

    Though some things are tough to cook, I’m always shocked to meet people who have never even thought to learn how to prepare foods they love. If you can cook it, you can eat it whenever you want. That was my incentive to learn to cook.

    Your first paragraph seems spot on. It sort of sounds like what you get when you tell women they can’t really have wants on their own. They have to find a way to make it look like ‘of course I’m not making this for myself.’

  • Annerdr

    When my Dad came home from work, we weren’t to talk to him for 15-30 minutes and he had a martini. After than was dinner and we could talk to him all we wanted and he was in a good mood. Having everything on the table would have meant we’d have cold food.

  • Clancy

    I had a stressful management job, and required a 20-25 minute cool down after work. So we selected a house 30 minutes from work, and I walk in the door cheerful and undistracted.

  • TLC

    Yeah, God can tell her to make a dessert, but he can’t tell tRump to get some aid to Puerto Rico NOW!?!?!?

  • Almost a chimp

    They just say “I want to be in Jesus”.

  • Shan

    My dad loves pie. He complained not enough pie was baked at home. My mother told him he could bake it himself.

    “Teach me,” he said. She did, and now he can make pie whenever he desires.

    I dunno, I just assumed this is how adults deal with food and each other. Man, did this article show me! /s

  • Claire Balliro

    “Vision people”.

  • Claire Balliro

    I thought the same thing but I didn’t start laughing out loud until I saw that someone else had thought it, too.

  • Claire Balliro

    Honestly, your dad sounds like the tops. If I had that exchange with a man, I’m pretty sure I’d say, “Marry me.” (Of course, in this scenario, he’d then say “We’re already married.”)

    … The bar is low, fellas.

  • Almost a chimp

    Religion can be the source of so much unintentional comedy. I often read some of the blogs on Patheos Evangelical for the laughs at their insane streams of consciousness. Troubler of Israel (a title which reveals the writer’s conceit, naming himself after what Ahab called the prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 18:17) is my current favourite comedian.

  • Shan

    Bake a man a pie, and he’ll have pie. Teach a man to pie, and you might wake up to him making a breakfast quiche. =D