Lori Alexander Enjoys Trotting Out All the Anti-Feminist Tropes and Racists?

Lori Alexander Enjoys Trotting Out All the Anti-Feminist Tropes and Racists? November 1, 2017

Lori Alexanders BrainWhat do you consider the characteristics of a ‘Feminine Woman’? Does the very idea conjure up attributes of the old fashioned descriptors of a lady, hair perfect in ruffles or lace? Is it even important to be feminine in our modern age? Would that not be a personal choice that a woman makes for herself?

A few days ago Quiverfull Evangelical blogger Lori Alexander of the website The Transformed Wife published an article titled ‘What is a Feminine Woman?’ written by Henry Makow, and it proceeded to list all the things she hates the most, all of which are feminist straw men that she loves to bash.

According to Makow the qualities that a truly feminine woman possesses are:

  • Lives to take care of her family
  • Depends 100% on her husband
  • Subservient and submitted to her husband
  • Modest and does not flaunt her sexuality to get attention from men
  • Lives to please her husband
  • Virgins before marriage because who wants a used car. Yes, he compared women to new and used cars! Not quite the pre-licked candy bar analogy used by Michael Pearl of No Greater Joy but close enough.
  • Gives love
  • Believes in her man
  • Exhibits grace, beauty and wisdom

Silly me, I thought only that last one was a true mark of femininity. No mention of being soft-spoken, gracious, and dressing a certain way. For me thinking about truly feminine women conjures up images that aren’t mentioned on Makow’s list. His list for what he decries as ugly feminism is much longer and involves things like exhausting careers require male qualities and rob women of their femininity.

What is curious about Ms. Alexander publishing this article are two things.

  1. She states that she has no idea if Henry Makow is Christian or not, but if you stroll around his website it seems very unlikely that he is. His website is filled with Red Pill paranoia, Men’s Rights, ravings about the Illuminati, and for bonus points he keeps referencing the New World Order. The closest indication of Makow’s faith is his book and articles decrying Zionism, claiming that Jews are responsible for the anti Semitism in the world. He describes Judaism as a ‘Cancer’. There have been human rights violations filed against him by different organizations and he has been cited by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate-mongerer. He was described on one hate watch website as ‘is what you get when you cross a men’s rights activist with a paranoid conspiracy theorist.‘ His writings have been published at Alex Jones website as well.  Lori has to reach out so far as to quote a guy who would have fit in well with the tiki torch wielding dude-bros marching in Charlottesville, Virginia reflects very poorly on her wisdom, the same wisdom that she claims is a feminine trait. Either she’s openly lying about knowing nothing about Makow, or she didn’t bother to even read the list on the sidebar of his website. Google is your friend, Lori Use it!
  2. She claims that she had to edit him slightly for her website, but if you look at the same article on the original writer’s blog you will see she edited him rather significantly, removing entire sections with references to Karl Marx, communism, eugenics, homosexuality and his personal boogieman under the bed feminism. If you are forced to cite a deplorable person to shore up your assertions you’ve already invalidated your point.

A little research would have told her that this is one of those bad hombres she should not be quoting to make a point about she believes all women must be stay at home mothers and committed submissive wives.

moreRead more about Lori Alexander:

Do Not Embarrass Your Husband

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  • Tawreos

    Going by that list he isn’t looking for a woman he is looking for a dog. Only two things on that list wouldn’t pertain to a dog, or to women for that matter, the virginity and not using anything to get attention from men, most dogs I know are the ultimate attention whores on the planet. A dog fits every other category but those two. This guy needs to seriously rethink what he is looking for.

  • Mel

    I’ve never thought very highly of Lori’s intelligence from any of her “writings” – so I’m not surprised that she’s literally not bright enough to realize that lightly editing MRA, NWO, racist screed before publishing on her blog is a horrible idea.

  • AG

    I’ve just recently done an atheist study of Ephesians chapter 5, the famous submission passage. A quick look at the greek for submission in this text gives a definition of obedience to and being subject to husbands, as though they are kings or god himself. Women are then told to submit to their husbands in Everything. Where is the freedom in christ (or anywhere else) for women? I’ve heard women claim that they are absolved of responsibility if they are 100% obedient to their husbands. They don’t have to think for themselves. They believe it is like a ticket to guaranteed salvation. It is incredibly unhealthy for a person to give over their autonomy to be controlled by someone else, anyone else.

    The passage ends saying women should respect their husbands. I was surprised, though I should not have been, to find out that “respect” here in greek has the root word phobeo. This is also the root of our “phobia” and refers to fear or terror and a desire to flee. Where that root occurs in other words of the New Testament, it is most often translated into some form of the word fear, frightened, or terrified. I suspect that respect was the translators’ attempt to soften the language to make it more palatable to English audiences. Why would anyone want marry someone they are required to fear?

  • SAO

    That reads more like a male fantasy than a person. Stepford wife anyone?

  • The only one on that list I consider a mark of femininity is “gives love”.

  • AuntKaylea

    I think the “phobeo” and phobia conclusion about fear is “root fallacy” – that is, determining meaning from root words as we understand them today rather than context and usage/meaning at the time it was written.

    And from my study of the Greek text regarding “submission” it s not about rote obedience, but “to lovingly yield ones own interest in behalf of another” – and is implied from the mutual submission in 5:20. . . it’s more about not seeking one’s own way to the detriment of the other person than anything else, and not a complete abdication of will.

  • AG

    “It’s not about rote obedience, but to ‘lovingly yield ones own interest in behalf of another'” How do you know what the usage and meaning of the time were? Source that supports this assertion, without biased interpretation? And how do you explain the clear statement for the wife to submit to the husband in Everything, if not a complete abdication of the will? Those words submit/submission are translated as obedience in other passages. Frankly, to me, you are reading the passage through rose colored glasses.

  • AG

    So, I just went through a list of dozens of Greek words from the NT with the root Phobeo translated into English in multiple versions of the Bible. All that I saw were variations on the words fear/frightened/afraid. No respect, except for this passage alone. It will take more than your personal assertion to convince me that submit was meant to mean “to lovingly yield ones own interest in behalf of another.”

  • AuntKaylea

    I wrote a formal academic Greek exegetical research paper and word study on this passage as part of my master’s degree in theology. It was over 15 years ago, so I’ll have to dig it out of my files in my garage, so it may take me a few days to get you sources.

    At the time I was more vested in trying to prove the perspective you say as I was a part of a fundamentalist mindset; however, it was part of why I exited; as I do not believe that how fundamentalists treat the passage and translation is supported by scholarship.

  • AuntKaylea

    I understand. That’s why I studied Greek and Hebrew and didn’t rely on Strong’s concordance myself.

  • AG

    This showcases a real problem with theology. If it takes a master’s degree to figure out that a passage does not mean what it appears to mean, what hope does the common person have to understand it? If they are to rely on those formally educated in theology, how are they to know when they are being told the truth or not? Not to mention that it has been demonstrated that those educated in theology have kept information from the masses in the past and continue to do so. A god who wanted to convey a particular message to the general public would need to find a better medium than the bible.

  • smrnda

    Okay, so how many of these points are just the rantings of an insecure male ego?

    Depends 100% on her husband
    Subservient and submitted to her husband
    Lives to please her husband

    At least 2 others were almost the same, but these qualities can’t even apply to a woman without a husband. It’s like the list is mostly about men?

  • Samantha Vimes

    Not really– that’s a mark of humanity. People who can’t give love are disordered, and the culture of toxic masculinity that tries to convince men that love is a feminine trait is a big part of what’s wrong in the world.

  • To me women seem more loving than men. I associate men more with aggression and violence. I could be wrong, but that’s how I feel.

  • Aloha

    Someday you’ll meet a good one. They’re not all aggressive animals!

    Or in terms of comparison, it might be that men show their love in different ways … such as by diligence and faithfulness, rather than warm hugs and sweet compliments.

  • AFo

    Considering I’m single, I guess I’m not a “real woman” since I have no man to submit to. If anyone needs me, I’ll be on my fainting couch since my tiny female brain can’t handle this revelation. /s

  • Kathi

    On Lori’s “doodle” for 10/31 she asks: “When he (your husband) asks you to do something, do you do it right away without grumbling or complaining? Do you try to please him in what he likes to eat, how clean he likes the house, how he likes you to look, how he wants you to raise the children, what church he wants to attend, how you spend money and all the other things that he wants?” Lori seems to think that women are to act like children – as she constantly goes on and on and on about on her blog.

  • Hannah

    Nope, nope, nope, if hubby had his way I’d have short hair as he hates mine being long and I wouldn’t go to any church as he’s not religious. He’s pro spanking which I am vehemently against, (I informed him the week before last that I’m never having children with him if we can’t agree on this, not that there’s any danger of that,) and we had to separate our finances as he became incredibly controlling over money, despite me being the one earning it. (I had to ask permission to buy things, which I refused to do which then caused arguments. I was so glad when he got a job and I could open my own bank account!) Looks like I’m going to hell (except my church doesn’t really believe in hell.)

  • SAO

    You know trying to control you through money and tell you how to change your appearance are red flags, right? Is he trying to change? Does he see the need to? Or are you just constantly struggling for the right or ability to be yourself?

  • Anonyme

    I’m sure Japan will eventually invent a robot that will do all of the above.

  • Anonyme

    ” A woman wants to be loved more than anything in the world.”

    Correct…and the same thing applies for most humans, but indicating that romantic love is the only kind that counts is aggravating.
    I don’t have a partner or boyfriend, but I’m still loved. I’m loved my aunts and uncles, my mom, my friends, my mentors, etc. A man couldn’t make me feel any more loved than I am now!

  • I hate the word “feminine”. It either makes me think of the tampon/pad aisle at the supermarket or of how my fundagelical Christian school listed in their handbook that they wanted “girls to be the way God made them – feminine” followed by a whole litany of rules for length of skirt, length of sleeves, and other do’s and don’ts regarding how the girls should dress. UGH.

  • Kimberly Iorillo

    My husband is a few classes short of a master of divinity degree, and he always says “a little Greek can be really dangerous.” You have to have taken 2-4 years (I can’t remember exactly how many) to be able to avoid the root fallacy you mentioned above. You have to be very careful when looking at the Greek to avoid putting our modern interpretation onto it.

    Also, you have to take into consideration your ENTIRE theology when looking for an interpretation or application of a passage. That is why you can’t just have 1 “proof passage.” Your entire systematic theology is going to inform how you interpret different passages. For example, you can’t just read Ephesians 5, see the modern English words “submit iN EVERYTHING,” and automatically think God wants you to basically be a robot following every single command from your husband. That doesn’t jive with the rest of scripture. Obviously, if your husband commands you to kill someone, you as the wife should say no. Following his “commands” does not automatically absolve you of sin, only Christ’s death on the cross and your belief in that can absolve you of sin. And anyone who interprets it that way needs some theology education. That whole passage is about mutual respect, as AuntKaylea said above. Husbands are to “love their wives” (listen, communicate, love, cherish, etc.) and the wives are to “submit,” (listen, communicate, love, cherish, etc.). The only difference is if there can’t be any kind of compromise made, after a lot of discussion and communication of course, (for example, which car to buy), the husband gets the final say. And if his decision is wrong, then he will answer for it one day before God. Now, if the decisions tend to be a lot bigger than buying a car, for example, put ALL of the money into a high-risk investment and things go wrong, or other similar bad decisions on a regular basis, the wife needs to decide if she thinks she can stay in that marriage or not. And that course of action is between her and God.

    It doesn’t say that the husband can just be a dictator and micromanage everything, because that wouldn’t be “loving his wife.” The whole idea is to be a servant-leader, like Jesus Christ. He washed the disciples feet as an example of that. He was the King of Kings, yet he was doing a servant’s job. Likewise, the husband should do the same. He is the “head of household,” but that doesn’t give him a get-out-of-jail-free card. He still needs to communicate, discuss, and learn all about his wife in a way that shows he loves her and desires to hear her thoughts and opinions. Any man who does NOT do that does not deserve a wife. Some men might struggle with this, and it is up to the wife to speak up and say “look, my opinion matters too here. I’m the one that’s going to be using the car/washing machine/dish washer/whatever.” Does that mean we are not submitting? No, it just means that we are communicating and making our needs known so we can then discuss the topic more. If your husband continually disregards your opinions, thoughts, and ideas, then you need to consider if that is the type of you man you want to marry/stay with or not.

    It’s all about practical wisdom. Hardly anything is that black and white in scripture. Except maybe the 10 commandments…which my husband would argue is part of OT law and we are under no obligation to follow the ten commandments because we are in a new dispensation (the church age). But that’s another post. 🙂

  • Kimberly Iorillo

    There is a grain of truth in stereotypes. Yes, the majority of woman could be considered to be more loving, social, care-takers, etc. while the men can be more aggressive and violent (to protect or to harm, depends on circumstance and the man). However, that stereotype does not apply to all men and women. Pick the right 2 people, and the man could be seen as more of a caretaker/nurturer and the woman as more aggressive.

  • Kimberly Iorillo

    Definitely! One of my love languages is complements, or language, or whatever it is. I prefer an “I love you” over a gift. Anyway, for my husband, language and compliments is the LAST on his list of love languages. He prefers to show love by giving me “love gifts” (books, etc.) for no reason when he can and by doing the dishes and taking the kids for a few hours (acts of service). Basically, we try and tell the other person we love them by using OUR love language instead of what theirs is, which is backwards, but we are working on it. Anyway, my point is that people demonstrate love in different ways. Some men show love by faithfully going to work everyday and not complaining even though it’s the worst job in the world because they need to provide.

  • Nightshade

    I call my cat an attention whore sometimes, she just parks her fuzzy butt right in my way, where I cannot possibly ignore her. Fortunately attention whore isn’t a bad characteristic in a pet!…and one could debate whether it’s really bad for a human, aside from the possibility of annoying others.

  • Nightshade

    ‘It’s like the list is mostly about men?’ Yes, just like a woman’s life is supposed to be. *rolleyes*

  • Carstonio

    Lori isn’t describing an equal partner, she’s describing a household servant.

  • Carstonio

    Makow forgot to add one item to the list: during sex, the wife cries out, “Oh, you’re the best, you’re the champ!”

  • Carstonio

    The perfect solution for men like Makow? Provide them with robot wives, thus taking them out of the gene poll. In a few generations, perhaps such men will go extinct.

  • katiehippie

    Who are these men who have to run someone else’s life at all costs? My husband wouldn’t want me around if he had to dictate every little thing I did and said. He expects me to be an adult at least as much as he does. We can adult together! We can do what makes us happy and not have one person in total subservience to the other whether they want it or not.

  • Ruthitchka

    I agree about the red flag. Carefully watch him, the abusive behavior may soon cross the line from verbal to physical as it did in my former marriage.

  • Hannah

    I do know. Last March I’d had enough and actually shouted at him, (which I never do, my style is more snapping, but I rarely raise my voice) because he tried telling me I shouldn’t have my own mobile phone (a cheap arse PAYG, while has an iPhone that his mother is still paying the contract for!) I think when he realised I wasn’t going to back down he gave up. And I’m still growing my hair, I want to see how long it’ll get before it stops. In the year and a half since then our relationship has continued to deteriorate. I’ve stopped caring, I live my own life and just let him get on with it. I went to London to see my favourite band by myself and stayed overnight, something I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do even a year before I did it. As I mentioned our finances are completely separate, he doesn’t know anything about what I do with my money, all my bank statements are online so he won’t be able to see them, etc. Of course, this is leading to one outcome, I am going to have to leave him sooner rather than later, although I suspect he’s utterly clueless.

  • Wade

    The only message I get from Lori is that the men she knows are very, very fragile little snowflakes. Quite frankly I’d be mortified to be that weak of a man.

  • Cat Wisdom

    Nobody wants a used car? The sensible thing is buying a used car. When you buy a new car you pay thousands of dollars extra just to drive it off the lot. I think there’s an analogy in this somewhere. Like “paying way more just to find out it’s a lemon?”

  • Cat Wisdom

    You might want to contact a shelter, even if you don’t think you would need to stay at one. i got a lot out of a group counselling program at a shelter where I live. It gave me a great deal of validation, perspective and practical information. It would be a good idea to have a safety plan. Even if you don’t think he would be violent, the period after leaving is the most dangerous time. Please be safe.

    Edit to add: Oh and don’t get pregnant. Not only does physical violence often start with a pregnancy, with children you will be tethered to him for 18 years.

  • When I think “feminine” I think of my grandmother and great aunts who came as close to the Proverbs 31 woman as a real human being can. Strong, capable, hardworking, motherly (even those aunts who had no kids, and no, they did not submit to any man. They were farmers, and, as far as I know, on a farm you can’t always separate women’s work from men’s work. Of course, there are traditions: in my country, traditionally, women tend to take care of the garden and the cattle. On the other hand, my grandma helped my grandpa shoe horses and cut wood (so-called men’s work, but there was no other man around). Apart from that, I mostly consider the distinction Lory and the likes of her make between “feminine” and “masculine” dangerous bullshit.

  • Anonyme

    There are already sex robots (like a “live” Real Doll). I’m sure robots could eventually be programmed to cook, clean, and worship their owners.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    A large part of the problem is that, for some reason, it was written down in 1st Century Greek rather than 21st Century English. Very remiss of the authors.

  • smrnda

    When he (your husband) asks you to do something, do you do it right away without grumbling or complaining?

    That’s not asking, that’s telling. In workplace settings people are told what to do, and it’s expected they do it provided it’s within their job description. In a business setting, when people ask for something (provided, again, the request is within reason) the person asked does it. But in relationships between adults, asking someone to do something is… asking, as in making a request where the other person can decline.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    Learning who this guy is, it makes sense that I quickly noticed how many of his rules for a feminine woman revolved around men.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    All those very important rules about skirt length, that God never bothered to include in the Bible.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    What children do you know that never grumble when you ask them to do things, or don’t have their own ideas how to spend money?

  • Kathi

    Hannah – It sounds like you’ve started the process of thinking about what you’ll need to leave, which is so important. Cat Wisdom gave good advice to think about a safety plan, even if your husband isn’t violent. A shelter or a domestic violence hotline can help with that. Sometimes it’s good to have someone on the outside of your relationship help to think through the process of leaving.

  • texassa

    People define “femininity” this way for one reason – they are scared of women. They are scared of women doing more, earning more, or being more than them. They are scared of women being smarter or more successful than they are. They are scared of women not needing them; of women being able to tell them “no,” without consequence. They are scared of not having control. They are scared of losing meaningless fluff to their ego. Yes, when you see a man define a feminine ideal this way, you can be sure he is simply outing himself as terrified, intimidated, and feeling quite inferior.

  • texassa

    This truly is not every male’s fantasy. No real man with confidence in his value and abilities wants this in a partner.

  • texassa

    Cars are for driving, like wives are for sexing. Good to know!

  • texassa

    I would rather slit my own wrists than live the life in that description.

  • Cynthia

    I hate to give advice like this online, but the mobile phone thing is a huge red flag IME. Not only are phones standard these days and pretty much essential for anything, but the desire to limit it is often linked to ultra-controlling spouses. Any other attempts to isolate you or control your ability to communicate with others?

  • Cynthia

    She really is not a bright lady and she has zero critical thinking skills. I don’t know if the brain tumour had anything to do with it or if she was always that dim. She can quote, edit and repeat stuff – that is about it. I used to sometimes comment on her old blog and she would run for Ken if I asked anything remotely intelligent.

  • Ruthitchka

    Please don’t stay with him 36 years like I did with my ex. The constant, escalating barrage of criticism, angry yelling, and physical violence made me sick. I know if I had stayed he would have beaten me and eventually tried to kill me. I was also the higher earner and he treated me like crap. Sweetie, talk to a paralegal or a lawyer sooner rather than later. Your situation is not safe.

  • Hannah

    Reading a forum I used to go on, it’s pretty much defunct now, but he knew my username and would spy on me. (I now go on a different forum that if I needed to I can change my name ten times a day and he’d never know.) Anything remotely negative I said would be brought up. He’s also read things I’ve written in the notebooks I use for my writing (and it’s not like I leave those lying around willy-nilly.) Of course he never says anything negative about me, oh no, unless it’s in front of other people, which makes me feel like shit. He’d also monitor my spending when we shared a bank account and there would be trouble if he didn’t approve of something. (I agree all this stuff is red flags.)

  • BridgetD

    There aren’t a lot of people in my immediate circle that have had anything other than a used car…of course, we’re all dirt poor, but that’s beside the point. A used car isn’t a bad thing. It has a traceable history, and if you shop smart, you can get a reliable vehicle for a good price. Besides, while newer cars may have the fancy gadgets, they are not necessarily built to last.

    This has nothing to do with women by the way since we, as people, are not comparable to inanimate objects. I’m just affirming that it’s a stupidly false analogy as well as dehumanizing.

  • BridgetD

    Yep. I’ve got a wonderful support system and a huge family. Plus, I’ve got the dogs. What more could I want?