Quick Takes #12: Or the way Toddlers think

Quick Takes #12: Or the way Toddlers think March 26, 2010

When you try to catch the vomit of sick toddlers in a large empty ice cream bucket, they will become convinced that the said puke bucket is the very thing that is actually causing their misery. So they will run away whenever they see it coming towards them, resulting in vomit all over everything you were seeking to save by introducing the puke bucket in the first place.
When toddlers ask why the lady in the picture Bible is crying, and you explain that her name is Hannah and she is crying because she doesn’t have a baby, they will think that every other person who happens to be crying in the pictures is equally upset about the lack of babies. (Which is often the case in Bible stories come to think of it.) So now when Ms. Action sees a picture of someone crying she will point to it and say sadly “Awww, she no can have a baby.”
Whichever of their actions you lament enough times, will become the cardinal sin, even if they continue to struggle with it themselves. Hence you will hear one shoeless toddler strapped into her car-seat in the backseat yelling “No taking you shoes off!!!!” as the other toddler attempts to disrobe. (Actually reminds me of how I can tend to do that. As soon as I discover something new, I can find myself  judging everyone else who hasn’t learned it yet, despite my having just figured it out the week before.)
Everything is terribly exciting to toddlers. So when you take your 3 year old to the Library, she will point at every person who walks by and shout “Look! Mama! Look! Who is THAT!?” Despite your attempts to explain that we don’t know that person and we really should try to whisper in the Library.
 Toddlers think that hot dogs are good. Just because they are still in the package and we haven’t paid for them yet and we are still in the store doesn’t mean you shouldn’t taste them just to make sure they are what they appear to be. And this necessary task would be alot easier if you didn’t have to bite through that strange plastic wrapping around them
 A toddler feels beautiful in her favorite purple polka dot pants and her flowery pink dress with her velvet hot pink skirt worn over all. She will twirl around the house in delight exclaiming how pretty she is despite the mismatched colors and the wrinkles and bunches of excessive layering.
For a toddler, the only reason we put the toys away, is so we can take all the toys back out again. This is a cause for rejoicing! Nothing inspires you to make a mess like a newly cleared and vacuumed floor. Recipe for Happiness: Pull out every book, block, ball, doll, etc. and mix together on the floor. Lay in pile and grin with happiness.
And a bonus: In a toddler’s mind the only reason you say no when they ask for cookies, is obviously because you are planning to give them a jelly bean. Or maybe crackers, or cheese, or an apple, or rice cakes, or bread and butter, or a banana, or an orange, or chips. At least that’s what I assume from the way they keep asking for the next item, with such hope in their eyes too.
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