Reflections On Loss And The Unstoppable Reality Of Change

Everything changes—every relationship, human system and structure, organization, organism, and cell in our body. Even after death, there is change (aka decay). Nothing earthly on this side of eternity has any permanence. So, like it or not, all things change; it is inevitable.

Several days ago, my younger brother had a massive heart attack and passed away. He was only sixty-four. I didn’t see that change coming, and it rocked my world.

A week ago, someone sent me a picture they took of me about twenty-five years ago. I was shocked at how much I’ve changed in a quarter century. I used to be skinny, with jet-black hair and a head full of it. Not so much anymore.

Once upon a time, I was the “fun and favorite uncle,” but since my divorce and remarriage, let’s say that my status among many family members has radically changed. For the most part, I’m seen now as another disappointing human and written off as a failure.

I could go on and bore you with a long list of altered realities in my life, but you get the point. In my sixty-seven years of life, probably close to 67,000 things have changed (give or take a zero or two).

To be clear…

Not all the changes are sad and tragic, but our lives are shaped by the unavoidable forces of time, circumstance, and choice. Seasons shift, people age and pass, relationships begin, transform, evolve, and sometimes end. Life continually reshapes us as we fail, reflect, adjust, adapt, and face new and often unforeseen challenges. Everything in life is in constant motion.

Our thoughts, perspectives, and emotions are often dynamic rather than static. Many things I once was sure of in my youth and pugnacious about to a fault have faded into the background in many ways. For example, I no longer care whether your theological bent is pre-trib, mid-trib, post-trib, or pan-trib (i.e., I’m just going to see how it all pans out).

Of course, I’m not saying nothing matters, or everything is relative. Please don’t accuse me of being a wishy-washy neo-liberal progressive universalist. I still have firmly held beliefs and non-negotiable convictions, but the older I get, the circle of my convictions and absolutes is smaller than it used to be. The more I know, the more I realize what I don’t know. What seemed certain to me at one point faded with new experiences, better understanding, and spiritual maturity.

• I was raised to believe all Catholics were deceived and going to hell. I’m afraid I still have to disagree with many Catholic doctrines and practices. However, the Apostle Paul wrote, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9). Sounds like there will be a lot of Catholics in heaven. (For the record, I also disagree with some Baptist, Seventh-Day Adventist, and Pentecostal doctrines and practices, but I am pretty sure most of them who love Jesus will make it, too.)

• For decades, I was taught and believed that “good Christians” never drank, smoked, chewed, danced, or listened to worldly music. You can imagine my surprise when I was invited to a BBQ at the home of one of the godliest men I’ve ever known and found him wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt with a cigar in his mouth and a beer in his hand! C.S. Lewis once wrote about working through a “tough bit of theology with a pipe in his teeth and a pencil in hand.” (Note: please don’t quote Scripture about our bodies being the “temple of the Holy Spirit” unless you never eat junk food or drink too much diet pop.)

My point…

We often outgrow old patterns and perspectives as we embrace new viewpoints and adapt to unforeseen events and new experiences. Even the things we wish would remain constant—our loved ones, health, and theological comfort zones—inevitably change with the passage of time.

I agree with Liz Cooledge Jenkins, who wrote,

Being open to change is a way of saying:

• I am not omniscient.
• I am not omnipresent.
• I am not omnipotent.

So what?

Why do some fear and struggle with change even though it’s unavoidable? Why do we resist change and often get emotionally nuked by it when change happens?

What needs to happen for a person to change their view of change? In other words, how can we shift from merely accepting change (grudgingly going along with it) to embracing and celebrating it actively?

We must alter our perspective.

Change can bring uncertainty and fear or be a source of renewal and maturity. The unknown invites us to grow, to let go of what no longer serves the greater good, and to find new meaning. Embracing change, rather than resisting it, allows us to navigate life’s ebb and flow with resilience, finding beauty and strength in the journey itself.

I understand. Some people are in different places regarding change, but everyone and every growing person, thing, and organization constantly changes. So, it’s best to be intentional as we grow together through the changes that will and should come.

Sometimes, I wish I could still climb mountains, run marathons, and not wake up every stinkin’ day with an aching back. I often miss the people who are no longer a part of my life. I regret the realities I live with now due to poor choices of my past. I wish, truly wish, change wasn’t the only constant in my life.

But humans, including Christians in the here and now, are a mixed bag of the good and the not-so-good. So, at some level, we are all being reshaped by change into who we are in Christ. And change is often the chisel God uses to break our stubborn, prideful souls. Thankfully, He is never surprised by what we think is unforeseen, and always uses all things to redeem, renew, and rebuild our lives if we let Him.

I love this quote by Wayne W. Dyer, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

Yep. Enough said.

Please leave a comment below, and let’s engage in a conversation.

You can find out more about Kurt Bubna and his writing on Twitter and Facebook. You can read more about his views and insights, both in his books and on his website.