i don’t know why i fell for you,
perhaps one of those opposites attract sorts of things.
you revel in gloom, lurk among shadows and thrive amidst snark, sarcasm and disdain
you loathe things that nurture life
you’re allergic to care and resistant to grace
you fancy yourself a healing “uniter” but only dish-out hurt
a textbook case of the cycle of abuse – you got hurt and now seek to knock others down to your bleak plane of existence
you saw my light shining so you smiled and oh what a smile!
comely and resplendent in your deep hued patriotic attire from your majestic mane to your umber permanent tan
your leaderly arms reached out to me your supple fae hands honed by avoidance of hard labor because of blessed bone spurs deftly held out a chalice containing an opaque brew steeped in mystery
a karmic crafted vintage more bitter than sweet
like a Sweet-Tart i both savored and winced from its caustic biting aftertaste
an intoxicating stinging nettle wine your love is a poison cup and i drank it up only to discover it’s Drano to my soul.
rarely kind never supportive – except manipulatively so when you’re seeking something from me – all it does is criticize and kill my spirit with its skilled Black Belt in projection
whatever gleam of glory, whatever spark of the sacred, whatever dim lumens of the divine that i may’ve had flowing within me, sucked in and lost to your white privileged Rambo Jesus exploiting assault rifle blessing senseless wall obsessing fossil fuel burning black hole
you offering yourself on the marketplace of love is like lacing hamburgers with rat poison and leaving them at a dog park.
I banish thee incubus!
slither back into your dank dark lair under that rock of personal trauma that you love brooding in
I reject you and your rejection
I reject you and your addictions to contempt oppressing others and merely eking out a faux-gold-toilet-veneered existence.
I’m here to bask in agápē and thrive and help others do the same
…that “gleam of light that darted across your cunning eyes”
– was mine reflecting off of you
I’m taking my light back
I wish you well, but
XX – Roger
Rev. Roger Wolsey is a certified Spiritual Director, United Methodist pastor, and author of Kissing Fish: christianity for people who don’t like christianity
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