Our family vacations have always looked different than most. Our sweet autistic son highly influences what we do. I remember when we were in Hawaii when my son was 5, that we had to go swimming every day, or he was beside himself. We didn’t see much beyond the hotel property.
Even though that could have been disappointing, my son was so entranced by small things that when I slowed down and saw things through his eyes, I didn’t care anymore about what else I was missing out on. He was so in love with his new swimming skills, the koi fish in the hotel river, and the sea turtles, that I fell in love with them too. And it was okay that our vacation looked different than everyone else’s.
Traveling
We are currently in Ireland. We tagged along on a business trip my husband was taking. And instead of seeing castles and kissing stones, we are hunting down car washes with my 14-year-old son.
We aren’t driving all over the island as many suggest. We are staying in the Dublin area so we have a consistent place to stop every night. And my son knows what to expect on a daily basis. In fact, we found an amazing Airbnb that I highly recommend. It felt very home-like and quiet and was just what we needed to wind down after a long day.
You see, my son loves car washes with a passion. He even has a YouTube channel where he shares recordings of his adventures. He also shares his love for car washes with many of his friends on social media. And he has been carefully plotting where every automatic car wash is in Dublin. He has them saved in Google Maps and is happy to be my navigator as we search for them.
Mom Paycheck
And today, after a long day of driving on the opposite side of the road, and visiting car washes in the rain, I got one of those big “Mom Paychecks” every mother cherishes. We were walking back into our Airbnb and he turned to me and said ‘I’ve had the best day Mom. Thank you!’ Then he went on to discuss his favorite car wash of the day. It was a moment that made my heart glow with love and joy.
You see, my son didn’t know it, but today had been hard for me for several reasons. For example, parking here is insane. The spots are so narrow that you have to park so close together that only one side of the car can get its doors open. And I had no idea how to cope with that since we had multiple people in the car. And I am determined not to crash the rental.
The struggle is real
Enduring Dublin rush hour gave me a panic attack. Narrow roads and high speeds just don’t mix. I thought at first that I just had to trust that the lanes were wide enough for my car.
But we found a neighborhood today that was so narrow it should have been a one-way street. But it was a two-way, with cars parked on one side. It was a seriously stressful street to navigate!
It was absolute insanity getting through that place. And even though I support my son and his car washes, driving to them in the pouring rain is tough. If this weren’t his dream, and the one time I see us being here, I would never have done it.
But he has been saving up his allowance for these car washes. And he is willing to stand in the rain to film them. So supporting him in that effort is the least I can do. That said, I did need his encouragement this evening. I love being a mom. But sometimes it pushes me to my limits.
Finding the blessings
Despite the challenges, motherhood has blessed me more than I ever imagined. And these mom paychecks make it all worth it. I mean, if we were traveling without my son, we wouldn’t be in an Airbnb. We would be in a hotel downtown and I wouldn’t be seeing and doing these different and satisfying things.
I’m finding that even though things look different than I expected, slowing down and going at my son’s pace has benefits. For example, in the last couple of days, I have gotten more writing done than I have in weeks. I am now familiar with the local grocery store. And I’m no longer needing my GPS to find our way home.
We even discovered a castle today on our way home from the car wash. Life with autism isn’t what I expected. But it’s still really good. I just have to adjust my expectations, try to roll with it, and remind myself that it’s ok for things to be different than I expected.
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