7 Ways to Be A More Positive Wife Right Now

7 Ways to Be A More Positive Wife Right Now July 6, 2017

7 ways to be more positive about your marriage

I rolled my eyes, bent over and snatched the terrycloth heap off the floor. His robe lay on the floor beside the bed exactly where he’d dropped it the night before. And there it would’ve stayed unless I picked it up. He’d already gone to work.

“In addition to changing diapers, taking care of kids, and cooking the meals,” I thought, “he expects me to pick up after him, too? I’m his wife, not his maid.”

Sound familiar? We–my husband and I– were weathering a stormy season in our marriage. We had young children; he had long hours; and I had a short fuse. I was irritated, frustrated and overwhelmed.

The atmospheric pressure in our relationship was low, which meant most days were cloudy with a high possibility of storms.

I could either accept the conditions as they were or I could change the forecast.

Believe it or not, you can forecast the conditions in your marriage a lot like the weather person forecasts the weather. A forecast is only a prediction of what the weather person thinks the weather will be like in the near future.

You can certainly change the condition of your marriage in the future based on your current thoughts and actions.

I haven’t always been the best at keeping favorable conditions in my marriage. My mood, attitude and response to situations–just like yours– accurately predict whether the pressure will be high or low. Here’s what I mean.

  • Sunny. In a sunny situation, he leaves for work without picking up his socks off the bathroom floor. I hum “I’m in the Mood for Love” as I scoop the socks up and waltz them to the hamper.
  • Partly cloudy. In partly cloudy conditions, I pick up the socks, but I’m not singing or dancing.
  • Mostly cloudy with a possibility of storms. In mostly cloudy conditions with a possibility of storms, I debate whether or not to pick up the socks. If I do, I don’t put them in the hamper, I lay the dirty socks on his pillow.
  • Stormy. In stormy conditions, I step over the socks. I call him at work, tell him he left his dirty socks on the floor, and he’d better pick them up when he gets home.

All marriages go through stormy seasons. It’s in the contract: for better or for worse.

But you can weather the storms with an attitude shift. When seasons change in your marriage and you find yourself in a gloomy situation, look for bright spots in your spouse to help weather the storm.

Why is it important to look for good things in your spouse? You don’t have to keep a list of his negative traits. They’re easy to recognize. They’re in our faces. We trip over them. We pick them up. We clean them up.

It’s harder to keep track of his positive attributes.

When you feel a dip in atmospheric pressure in your marriage, these strategies can help take the pressure off by directing your attention to things you love about him.

  1. Start a daily gratitude journal about your spouse.
  2. List the reasons why you fell in love with him.
  3. Keep track of the positive things he does.
  4. Share something positive about your spouse with someone else.
  5. Make physical contact with him. Hold his hand or put your arm around him in bed.
  6. Pray for him.
  7. Ask God to change your heart towards him.

No matter what the atmosphere is like in your marriage right now, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Unlike the weather, you can change the conditions in your marriage. You can decide to have a relationship that’s sunny and clear, regardless of your circumstances.

Marriage isn’t sunshine all the time, but I can choose how I’m going to respond when the conditions aren’t favorable. How? By looking for the silver lining behind around clouds in my marriage.

How do you respond to cloudy conditions in your marriage?

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download  How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.


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18 responses to “7 Ways to Be A More Positive Wife Right Now”

  1. Great analogy between the weather outside and the weather in our marriages. I find keeping a gratitude list of the things I love about my man helps during the “socks on the floor” moments too.

    God bless you Sheila!

  2. I love your heart and your transparency, Sheila.

    This is great advice, and it goes both directions. I can do every one of those seven things for my wife. I’ll add an eighth one too … When arriving home from work, the first five minutes (or so) need to be positive interaction. Hold off on the “You won’t believe what happened at work today!”

  3. Wise advice, Damon. I know that would go a long way in my house. I’m so eager to get my issues out, I don’t consider what my husband may be feeling. Thank you.

  4. Hello, Sheila. Thank you for sharing these marriage tips. I’ve definitely been there where my negative outlook created very stormy conditions. We wives have the power to create harmony or dischord just by how we choose to look at things.
    Glad I stopped by from #freshmarketfriday.

  5. #1 and #7 are both ones that I’ve often employed in my marriage. Just recently, I wrote about how I’d been learning to practice gratitude every day. I’ve done this by starting a gratitude journal but taking it one step further by texting my hubby a few times a week with a reason that I’m grateful for him. I feel like this has really helped me to change my attitude.

  6. Very good advice, and a good reminder of how we hold the keys to change what we can. Thanks
    Cynthia

  7. Great assessment of marriage. May I add tornado, hurricane, earthquake and flood to potential natural disasters? I have been through them all.

  8. Great tips, Sheila. We need to be reminded of these so often. It is so easy to just get into the gloomy state of mind and stay there, but that really is not where God wants us to be and is not going to make our marriages better. Thanks for the kick in the butt! Ha, ha. – Amy
    http://stylingrannymama.com/

  9. LOL! You’re welcomed, Amy! LOL! It’s easy to get in a rut. I’m writing to myself. I need to be reminded to stay positive.

  10. Such a great post – to the point and speaking truth. My husband and I both work from home – but the ‘tables’ seem to have turned in our ‘roles’. He cooks, grocery shops and does the laundry – and I leave my clothes on the floor;) To be fair, I do homeschool the kids. I would love to feature your post, but I don’t see a link back to a Grace and truth host. Am I missing it?

  11. Amiee, I home school, too. It’s hard work. To be fair, I leave my stuff on the floor, too, sometimes. Thanks for reading. I have a Grace and Truth link on my site, in the sidebar.

  12. Sheila,

    This is excellent advice! I loved your examples of how we can respond to the same situation differently and get different outcomes. This is timely and I will share. Thanks for sharing!