I have yet to come across a union that resembles a Facebook version. All smiles, vacations, romantic dinners, and babbling love letters. I know mine doesn’t.
But, putting Facebook terminology to use in your relationship may pave the road to pleasant pillow talk.
Facebook isn’t an icon of conventional marital wisdom, but using common Facebook terms in your relationship–like, friend, share, what’s on your mind or update status, comment–will not only improve communication, but may also produce surprising changes in your romantic life as well.
Here’s what I mean:
On Facebook, this is a simple way to show your friends you enjoy or maybe even agree with what they’ve said. It’s validation. How does this translate to marriage? Everyone wants validation, including your spouse. A “like” is encouragement. It’s says “I hear you. I see you. What you’ve said is important.”After posting on Facebook, how often do you check back to see how many “likes” you get? The more “likes” you get, the better you feel. A “like” in marriage is a form of respect. It tells your spouse you support what he’s doing or saying. You may not agree but showing respect while he’s saying it, validates him. “Like” him a lot.
Friends are people you share your life with. You share important moments, triumphs, and sadness. A friend loves at all times, and the bond can’t be broken by simply clicking “unfriend” or delete. Be a friend to your husband for better or for worse and for richer or for poorer. Friends want what’s best for you. They respect each other, listen to each other and work through conflict.
When we think about sharing, we usually think about clothes, food, or money. But in a marriage sharing refers to everything or almost everything. Sometimes people go into marriage with a “mine is mine” and “yours is yours” or a 50/50 mindset. When you unite in marriage, mine and yours become ours. You not only share material things, you also share your hearts, burdens, and experiences as well. Being able to share life with someone gives experiences more meaning. Marriage thrives when couples share: the good and the bad, successes and failures, and disappointments, and hurts.
- What’s on Your Mind or Update Status
“What’s on your mind?” greets you when you logon to your Facebook page. Communication makes us feel connected with one another. “Status Update” is one of the most common things people share on Facebook. It’s a way to tell people what’s going on in your life. The two most important types of communication are communication between man and God and man and other humans, especially a spouse. Communicate what you’re feeling to your husband. Let him know what’s bugging you. Also let him know you love, respect, and appreciate him.
This one creates quite a bit of controversy in the marital realm, everywhere except on Facebook. We click “follow”on Facebook with little or no hesitation. I know I do. I don’t feel like someone is trying to take advantage of me or boss me around when I click their “follow” button. I don’t debate who’s in charge. But, that’s not my response when my husband asks me to “follow.” Using Facebook terms, “follow” can mean you’re a “fan or supporter” or you “allow someone to have influence in your life.” What was your response the last time your husband asked you to “follow” him?
Obviously Facebook terms don’t cover all aspects of marriage, but it can give you a great start on positively relating to your husband. Treat your marriage like you treat Facebook. Check it a few times a day. Comment, update your status and like. And your love just may go viral.
Which Facebook terms could use improvement in your marriage?
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
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- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.