This is Why Social Media Can Improve Your Marriage

This is Why Social Media Can Improve Your Marriage July 10, 2017

keys to a healthy marriageI have yet to come across a union that resembles a Facebook version. All smiles, vacations, romantic dinners, and babbling love letters. I know mine doesn’t.

But, putting Facebook terminology to use in your relationship may pave the road to pleasant pillow talk.

Facebook isn’t an icon of conventional marital wisdom, but using common Facebook terms in your relationship–like, friend, share, what’s on your mind or update status, comment–will not only improve communication, but may also produce surprising changes in your romantic life as well.

Here’s what I mean:

  • Like

On Facebook, this is a simple way to show your friends you enjoy or maybe even agree with what they’ve said. It’s validation. How does this translate to marriage? Everyone wants validation, including your spouse. A “like” is encouragement. It’s says “I hear you. I see you. What you’ve said is important.”After posting on Facebook, how often do you check back to see how many “likes” you get? The more “likes” you get, the better you feel. A “like” in marriage is a form of respect. It tells your spouse you support what he’s doing or saying. You may not agree but showing respect while he’s saying it, validates him.  “Like” him a lot.

  • Friend

Friends are people you share your life with. You share important moments, triumphs, and sadness. A friend loves at all times, and the bond can’t be broken by simply clicking “unfriend” or delete. Be a friend to your husband for better or for worse and for richer or for poorer. Friends want what’s best for you. They respect each other, listen to each other and work through conflict.

  • Share

When we think about sharing, we usually think about clothes, food, or money. But in a marriage sharing refers to everything or almost everything. Sometimes people go into marriage with a “mine is mine” and “yours is yours” or a 50/50 mindset. When you unite in marriage, mine and yours become ours. You not only share material things, you also share your hearts, burdens, and experiences as well. Being able to share life with someone gives experiences more meaning. Marriage thrives when couples share: the good and the bad, successes and failures, and disappointments, and hurts.

  • What’s on Your Mind or Update Status

“What’s on your mind?” greets you when you logon to your Facebook page. Communication makes us feel connected with one another. “Status Update” is one of the most common things people share on Facebook. It’s a way to tell people what’s going on in your life. The two most important types of communication are communication between man and God and man and other humans, especially a spouse. Communicate what you’re feeling to your husband. Let him know what’s bugging you. Also let him know you  love, respect, and appreciate him.

  • Comment

When your husband tells you what’s on his mind, say something. Nothing’s more awkward than saying something and it’s met with silence, dead airspace. When you post something on Facebook and you get no comments, you feel like no one cares or no one’s listening. Same is true in a marriage. Your husband wants to know he’s been heard. You’re listening; you care.  If you don’t know what to say, say that and ask how you can help.  Make a noise. You don’t have to have a long conversation. Just acknowledge someone has said something to you.

  • Follow*

This one creates quite a bit of controversy in the marital realm, everywhere except on Facebook. We click “follow”on Facebook with little or no hesitation. I know I do. I don’t feel like someone is trying to take advantage of me or boss me around when I click their “follow” button. I don’t debate who’s in charge. But, that’s not my response when my husband asks me to “follow.” Using Facebook terms, “follow” can mean you’re a “fan or supporter” or you “allow someone to have influence in your life.” What was your response the last time your husband asked you to “follow” him?

Obviously Facebook terms don’t cover all aspects of marriage, but it can give you a great start on positively relating to your husband. Treat your marriage like you treat Facebook. Check it a few times a day. Comment, update your status and like. And your love just may go viral.

Which Facebook terms could use improvement in your marriage?

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

*Added after a response from a reader. Thanks Michelle.

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46 responses to “This is Why Social Media Can Improve Your Marriage”

  1. Follow.

    This comes easier to some of us than others. To some of us, it’s almost an affront (read: submit!) But the truth is, to be a really good leader, you need to know how to be a good follower and know how to discern who to follow in the first place.

    I think one of the reasons the Bible tells us, as women, to submit to our husbands is because women are naturally equipped to lead. We are problem-solvers, we are decision-makers, we have ingenuity and creativity, we know how (and how to lead others) to get stuff done. We don’t have to lay those gifts aside–not one bit–but it’s easy to allow our natural gifting to overtake the importance of becoming ‘followers’ of our husbands.

    Using the Facebook lens, look at what following means this way:
    *you’re a fan and supporter
    *you want to know what they have to say
    *you allow them to have influence in your life
    *you make it a point to keep up with what they’re doing and saying

    Husbands, you can follow your wives, too. We have important things to say, important lessons to teach, important examples we live out every day that are worth your following.

    Great post, Sheila. Following you closely. I’m a big fan already!

  2. This is very creative and contains truths that are definitely applicable to all marriages. Thanks so much for sharing! I think the importance of “checking in” on our marriages is one that really stands out to me. If I have the time to check my Facebook page several times a day but leave “checking in” with my marriage for date night, I am probably missing out. Some ways that I (try) to check in with my husband regularly are: #1: Send him a sweet but quick text. I also don’t allow myself to get offended if he doesn’t respond right away/at all that day. #2: Greet him with a hug and/or kiss when he gets home. #3: Spend time talking together after Supper when we send our children to their rooms.

  3. Sheila, I like how you took something so familiar and applied it to our relationships. I think these are great suggestions for newly weds or people who have been married for a long time without many difficulties. Unfortunately, I think there are many out there who don’t really “like” who they are married to and do everything in there power to “comment” in ways that won’t be deemed disrespectful. However, many marriages are made up of deeply wounded people and only God can bring about the miracle of a revitalized marriage. Love your thoughts though! – Amy
    http://stylingrannymama.com/

  4. Amy,

    You are so right! I agree that God can do miracles even in deeply hurting people. I have had times when I haven’t liked my husband. I am sure he can say the same. Faithfully, God brings it back around.

  5. Rosanna,
    Thanks for sharing how you use FB terms to keep your marriage fresh. I am especially fond of the talking after supper or before bed.

  6. Michelle,
    Thanks! I did not include “follow.” Wow. You’ve made some interesting and highly debatable points. I think I will revise and add it. Thanks for sharing honestly.

  7. Shiela, I love this! The principle is the same as marriage. Sometimes it feels discouraging to someone when they feel that they are investing “like,comment,share,follow” to their marriage but their spouse is not responding like “seen-zone” in a messenger.

  8. Sheila, I am so thankful you linked up to #glimpses so that I could follow your beautiful blog! I tried to find you on FB and Instagram, but those links are broken. I will be married 28 years in August and I have to say that this article was a great way to describe practical things we can do in our marriages to show love and support to our spouses. After a lot of lost dreams and rough times, we are have struggled over the last several years. We are deeply committed but need to work more on the day-to-day. Thank you and I hope you will join us again!

  9. Barbie,

    I am delighted you’re here! Anyone who’s been married a long time has suffered lost dreams. That’s what makes commitment more beautiful. I am glad you enjoyed the post. I am on FB as Sheila Qualls-Real Mom and Sheila Qualls and on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/sheilaqualls/. I’d love to have you join me there, too.

  10. Excellent! We spend so much time bashing social media and the time spent on fb away from people. I love how you turned it around and give up practical face to face lessons that we can implement with our spouses! Good stuff!

  11. Within the Christian community I am constantly hearing how social media only hurts relationships, more specifically marriages, so reading your perspective was like fresh air. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  12. I absolutely LOVE how you apply the term “follow” to marriage. I know the term “submission” raises all kinds of red flags to so many. I think this “follow” concept really explains much about what the R word should actually look like!
    Also “What’s on your mind?” is a fantastic daily invitation to learn more about your hubby’s heart. Be a student of the man you married. For instance, I am absolutely NOT a morning person, but if I try to apply my night-owl personality to conversing with a spent and exhausted man who has given his all to support me all day long, I have to often settle for one word answers. If, instead, I make an effort to be awake and conversant before he leaves for work each morning, my invitation of status update is met with AT LEAST Twitter length responses, and sometimes even full blog post level detailed replies! By starting each morning with the simple question, “How can I pray for you today?” I learn much about the man I married and love!

  13. What a way to make it relatable! Hubby and I are celebrating 23 years this year, and I’m sitting here nodding in agreement with your words above. Sooooo true. Fun, memorable analogy. #chasingcommunity

  14. Oh, my sweet friend, you have done it again! I loved this post, and the button I would have to add is “delete” Why delete? Because sometimes, you have to let some things go and other times it is the things you want to say you need to delete, so you don’t say those words out loud. 🙂 It is better to keep the important things important rather than to be distracted by something that can make you want to “unfollow.” I’m going to schedule this post on my Jesus Glitter page! Thanks for being my Jesus Glitter today!

  15. I wasn’t sure where this post would be going. I like the connections you made between Facebook and marriages. Sadly, my marriage nearly fell apart in a horrific way because of social media. However, that’s not where my story ends. My story went on to greater faith, reconciliation and redemption. God is taking the ugly and making it beautiful. Thank you for this post! I’m stopping by from Imparting Grace. 🙂

  16. Brilliant Sheila. The FaceBook analogies aka suggestions on how to love a spouse better facebook style were super clever and spot on Your wisdom obvio comes from Jesus my friend. So glad to know you girl. So glad.
    Keep on encouraging the people, you are gifted. Miss your face in real life though. Xo

  17. as a wiser older friend once said, I love my husband but I don’t always like him! it’s much easier to like a random comment on fb than the man you love and are committed to forever and ever amen! but i like what you said on Hitting that Like button time and again – they love it and need it!

  18. As sad as it is, what you said is true, Sue. Hitting “like” is no big deal. I have to be purposeful about “liking” my husband consistently.

  19. This is absolutely clever and creative! I wondered where you were going with it when I saw the title because I have witnessed marriages distressed and destroyed by Facebook. Thank you for redirecting in such a positive way!

  20. Social media has taken down many relationships. The Internet, in general, has been a problem. I guess with technology comes unexpected consequences. It is sad.

  21. I have never thought that Facebook features make such an incredible impact in marriage. Thanks for posting this amazing creative piece. When I was reading this post, I realised that unknowingly both me and my husband actually exercise all these beautiful concepts of Facebook in our married life.

    But in my opinion, there is one simple difference between Facebook and a marriage. In Facebook, you can like , update your status comment & share with someone even if you aren’t in a friendship (depends upon your profile settings). Whereas in marriage, the spouses can become friends with each other only after they start liking, communicating , sharing and opening up their minds with each other. Then ‘Follow’ing each other never becomes a necessity. Rather they walk the path of life side by side holding their hands.