Not Tonight, Honey, I Feel Fat

Not Tonight, Honey, I Feel Fat November 3, 2017

body image from ruining your intimate life
Have you ever said, “Not tonight. I’m tired” when you really meant, “Not tonight. I feel fat?” Is a negative body image ruining your sex life?

Studies show half of women avoid being intimate because they’re uncomfortable with the shape of their bodies. Nothing can kill the mood faster than negative body image. Sex is one of the most important aspects of marriage. But if you struggle with body shame, achieving sexual intimacy’s gonna be a problem.

You’ve come to the right place.

I’ve battled with body shame. And, I’ve won some, but the fight’s not over. Have you ever felt like:

  • You’re not thin enough.
  • Your thighs are too fat.
  • You’ve got stretch marks.
  • Your C-section scar is ugly.
  • Your breasts are saggy.
  • You’ve got love handles.
  • Your arms are flabby.
  • You’ll never have the body you dream of.
  • You have a running commentary going on in your head about your body during love making.

No matter what the scale said or what my husband said, I felt unattractive. I’d dash into bed at night under the cloak of darkness.

From the model in the mall window to the mom on Main Street, everyone has some level of insecurity with their body image. We live in a society obsessed with body image.

But we don’t have to be. How do we convince ourselves otherwise?

I wish I had a magic bullet. I don’t. But what I do have is assurance in God’s word. He says I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. He says the same about you. I guess my only solution is (to borrow Nike’s slogan) “Just do it.”

While we fight with body image, men are visual. They want to look at our bodies, especially during love making.

He loves your body, saggy breasts and all. When he touches your love handles while you’re making love, he’s not going to say, “Yuck, what’s this?” He sees his woman, and he wants to enjoy you.

When you deny him because of your own body issues, it’s like you’ve given him a gift but you won’t let him unwrap it and see what’s inside. We let our messed up image of “sexy,” prevent us from feeling sexy. And, if you don’t think you’re sexy, you won’t feel sexy.

So how can you get comfortable with your body and enjoy love making? You can do stuff to put yourself “in the zone” before the end of the day.

  1. Start preparing yourself early in the day.
  2. Text your husband a flirty note or pic or text him things he does that turn you on.
  3. Buy a piece of lingerie that makes you feel good.
  4. If you’re uncomfortable making love with the lights on, light a candle or leave the TV on and mute it. Then you’ll be a sexy silhouette.
  5. Keep your favorite picture of him handy.
  6. Take a bubble bath.
  7. Play your favorite love songs.
  8. If you drink alcohol, have a glass of wine to help you relax.
  9. Make love even when you don’t feel like it. Studies show frequent sex improves mood and reduces depression.

The more sexually confident you are, the more confident you’ll feel overall. Stop the negative commentary running in your head. Hop into bed with your sexy self and have fun.

What do you do to make make yourself feel sexy?

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download  How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian,, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

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