9 Tips for Battling Body Shame

9 Tips for Battling Body Shame February 14, 2018

TV, a full belly, fatigue, headache, kids, or a fight are some of the ways we avoid doing “the deed.”

I don’t know about you, but these are some of the excuses I’ve used to deal with anxiety when I’m battling body shame.

Sometimes no matter what my husband says or what the scale says, I still feel unattractive.

From the model in the mall window to the mom on Main Street, everyone has some level of insecurity with body image. Why? We live in a society obsessed with body image. And when we feel we don’t meet the standard, body shame sets in. Are you losing the battle with body shame?

You don’t have to.

While we struggle with body image and want to cover up, men are visual. They want to look at our bodies, especially during love making.

If you’re anything like me, you might think:

*I’ve nursed five kids.
*I’ve birthed kids.
*I have love handles.
*I’ve got a C-section scar.
*I can balance a plate on my gut.
*My stretch marks are gross.

Don’t let body image stop you from doing the deed because he loves your body, saggy breasts and all.

When he touches your love handles while you’re making love, he’s not thinking, “Yuck, what’s this?” He wants to enjoy you.

When you deny him because of your own body issues, it’s like you’ve given him a gift but you won’t let him unwrap it and see what’s inside. We let our messed up image of “sexy,” prevent us from feeling sexy. And, if you don’t think you’re sexy, you won’t feel sexy.

So how can you get comfortable with your body and enjoy love making? You can do stuff to put yourself “in the zone” before the end of the day.

  1. Start preparing yourself early in the day.
  2. Text your husband a flirty note or pic or text him things he does that turn you on.
  3. Buy a piece of lingerie that makes you feel good.
  4. If you’re uncomfortable making love with the lights on, light a candle or leave the TV on and mute it. Then you’ll be a sexy silhouette.
  5. Keep your favorite picture of him handy.
  6. Take a bubble bath.
  7. Play your favorite love songs.
  8. If you drink alcohol, have a glass of wine to help you relax.
  9. Make love even when you don’t feel like it. Studies show frequent sex improves mood and reduces depression.

The more sexually confident you are, the more confident you’ll feel overall. Shut down the negative commentary running in your head. Hop into bed with your sexy self and have fun.

What do you do to make make yourself feel sexy?

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download  How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

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3 responses to “9 Tips for Battling Body Shame”

  1. Great post, Sheila. I think one of the best things for intimacy is being honest with our spouses. I know I feel a lot more like love making if we have connected on a deeper level than just work and football, and my spouse is finally starting to get that too. Great ideas. Thanks for sharing. – Amy

  2. Body image is a huge battle for many of us. Connection always gives intimacy a boost. When we stay on the surface and refuse to do a deep dive, intimacy is always stilted. Thanks for mentioning connection. It is so important.

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