The Not So Excellent Wife
Most women don’t have a problem with unconditional love– as long as they’re getting it. Most women understand the concept. What we don’t understand is the concept of unconditional respect. Yeah. That’s a struggle for a lot of us.
If you’re thinking, “What if he doesn’t deserve my respect?” You’d be normal. Or “I’m not giving him respect until he’s earned it;” you’d be even more normal.
Respect has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the kind of person you want to be.
A lot of women aren’t taught to respect their husbands. And, they don’t realize how important it is that they learn.
The Apostle Paul gave women the key to a happy marriage over 2000 years ago. Respect your husbands. Seems hardly fair. Paul was a man.
Yeah, but he’s right. We’ve got to suck it up . Men need respect. God made them that way. It ranks a few notches below oxygen. Your husband needs it thrive. It’s what allows him to be all he can be. And, his wife is a major contributor to his respect account.
He will love her better if she respects him.
Wait. A. Minute. Shouldn’t he just love me?
He should. But, he should love you whether you’re lovable or not. And, you should respect him whether he’s respectable or not.
We tend to think it’s all about us and what we want and need. If he’s not loving us the way he should, we’re not happy. Joy shouldn’t be dependent on what our husband does or doesn’t do.
Our happiness is tied to Jesus. If we take our eyes off ourselves and put them God, we become more confident in who we are in Him. And we realize our happiness is not contingent upon another person. And we’re free to respect sacrificially.
Okay. Okay. I get it. He needs respect. But what does respect look like? What does it mean? How do I show it? What if he doesn’t deserve it?
26 Ways to Show Respect
Respect is not a one size fits all. And what your husband finds respectable another man might not. But here are some common themes that run throughout the showing respect spectrum:
1. Take care of your soul and yourself .
2. Deal with your own emotional issues so you are free to be respectful.
3. Encourage him with your words and actions. A lot of times we can show respect by what we don’t say, if you know what I mean.
4. Kiss him when you see him at the end of the day.
5. Greet him when you see him.
6. Try not to interrupt him when he’s speaking.
7. Avoid eye rolling, lip pursing or sighing during conversation.
8. Even if you don’t agree with him, try to understand where he’s coming from.
9. Say “please” and “thank you.”
10. Let him know you appreciate him for who he is, not what he does.
11. Initiate intimacy.
12. Compliment him.
13. Avoid criticizing him in front of others.
14. Look at him when he speaks.
15. Before you speak ask yourself, “Are my words kind and encouraging?”
16. Avoid correcting or “helping” him when you ask him to do something.
17. Try not to be sarcastic.
18. Respect his likes and dislikes.
19. Go to bed when he goes to bed.
20. Give him your BOD ( benefit of the doubt).
21. Ask for his advice.
22. Look nice for him.
23. Pick up the house before he comes home
24. Show your kids he’s your priority.
25. Tell him how he makes your life better.
26. Do something he likes with him. Allow him to teach you how to do it.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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