When people talk about things you shouldn’t do in marriage, cheating, lying and abuse usually top the list.
It’s true those things won’t lead to a successful marriage, but there’s one thing you shouldn’t do in marriage that’s rarely talked about.
Can you gossip about your husband?
When you tell someone the negative attributes of someone else in an unkind way–no matter who that person is– it’s gossip.
It seems to be an acceptable practice to bad-mouth your husband to your friends or family.
Truth is, you shouldn’t gossip about your husband.
Complaining to others about your husband is gossip.
When we were first married, I didn’t consider talking to my friends or family about my husband gossip.
But invariably, when someone shares something negative about their husband, other women join in.
And before you knew it, you’re discussing the poor qualities of your husbands, which creates feelings of resentment and comparison.
Talking to your girlfriends about your marriage may seem harmless. But sharing what’s going on in your marriage with friends or family is harmful to your marriage.
Your friends or family form opinions about your husband, and you reenforce your negative thoughts and feelings.
You might be thinking, I ought to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with others.
That’s true. You should be able to share your feelings, but not to the detriment of your husband.
Complaining about husbands has become a rite of passage in marriage.
It’s almost as if you’re not really married if you don’t complain about your husband.
When you tell someone the negative attributes of your husband, you undermine your marriage. You might feel better when you’re finished, but without realizing it, you may be doing long-term damage to your relationship.
It’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of your marriage.
How would your husband feel is he knew what you shared? How would you feel if he shared similar details with his friends or family?
Here are 4 reasons you shouldn’t gossip about your husband:
- 1. Gossip re-enforces negative feelings about your husband.
The more you complain about your man, the more negative you’ll feel about him. If something he’s doing is bugging you, when you tell your girlfriend about it, do you think you’ll become more irritate or less irritated? Focus on the negative, you’re going to feel more negative. When the disagreement has blown over, your friends and family won’t forgive or forget as quickly as you do.
2. Gossip erodes trust.
How would your husband feel if he knew what you were saying about him to your friends? He probably assumes things that happen in your relationship stay between the two of you. If he found out that you talk about what happens in your marriage with your friends, it could create a huge trust barrier, which will break down intimacy.
3. Gossip fuels your feelings of resentment.Ever notice you get madder and madder the more you talk about the way your husband loads the dishwasher or how he spends money? What may have begun as a minor irritation can turn into a major source of contention after discussing it with your friends. They may agree, tell you how bad you have it and even offer advice as to how you should handle the situation.
4. Gossip may destroy the healthy marriage you’re trying to build.
People who make it a habit of gossiping about their husbands usually don’t have healthy relationships. Are those the people you want to serve as relationship models for you?
If you have talk about your husband, here’s one reason why you should:
Talk about his positive qualities and the things you appreciate about him. Brag about the nice things he does for you or how great he is with your kids.
Your focus will shift to the things you appreciate about him.
Protect your marriage by refusing to gossip about your husband. If you must talk about him, talk about how well he treats you and how lucky you are to have him.
You don’t have to perfect to get the marriage you want.
Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understand how tiring a tough marriage can be. She believes you deserve to be happy. She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical principles. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.