Sharing your relationship problems with friends and family may not be the best idea.
I drove around for about an hour pouring out my frustration about my husband to a friend. I told her about how wrong he was and how angry and mistreated I felt.
Early in my marriage, I didn’t consider the impact of sharing relationship problems with friends and family.
She asked questions. Even appeared sympathetic. Without saying it, she agreed he was the bad guy, which emboldened me in my comments.
I shared more.
I felt so much better when I hung up and soon forgot about our conversation.
Sharing marital problems with others isn’t a good idea.
Sunday morning in church, my pastor’s wife approached me. After saying her hello’s, she asked about my husband and began freely sharing her opinion about my marriage.
“Something’s got to give. He can’t keep behaving this way.” Her comments surprised me, and I immediately began defending my husband, explaining his actions and thoughts around the issue.
I also instantly realized the damage I’d done to my husband by freely airing my frustration to others.
It may feel good to vent about your husband in the short term, but guarding what you say about him to others is important. Family and friends won’t forgive or forget as quickly as you do.
Here’s are six reasons you shouldn’t share marital problems with friends or family:
- You may not be able to repair the damage you do to your husband’s reputation.
- They may not have your best interests at heart.
- They’re only hearing your side.
- They may give you horrible advice.
- They may share what you say with others.
- You may have kissed and made up, but their opinions may not change.
- Sharing information about your marriage may weaken your relationship.
After I bad-mouthed my husband, defending him did little to change their perception of him.
Not only had my friend listened compassionately, she’d then shared the details of our conversation with other women in our church. They then formed their own opinions about my husband with little or no knowledge about my marriage.
At that point even if I told them we had a great marriage, he treated me well and I respected him the damage had been done. I had diminished him in their eyes.
When I’m tempted to share information about my marriage, this incident makes me reconsider. I think about how I’d feel if my husband shared information about me that made his family or our friends form unfavorable opinions of me.
I learned the hard way. I learned to choose my words carefully and keep my opinions about my husband to myself.
Before badmouthing your husband ask yourself:
- Would I want him to share this information about me?
- Does this person have my spouse and my marriage’s best interest at heart?
- How would my husband feel if he heard me say this?
I’m not suggesting you keep quiet about physical or emotional abuse. In that case, telling someone and getting help is always best.
Marriage is an intimate, private union between you and your husband. Go out of your way to keep your relationship sacred and to protect your husband’s reputation.