3 Ways to Deal With Anger

3 Ways to Deal With Anger March 12, 2019

why am i so angryMarriage offers plenty of opportunities to learn how to deal with anger. Did you know anytime you’re feeling angry, you’re actually feeling something else but you’re masking the real feeling with anger? You may find yourself asking, “Why am I so angry?”

Anger is a real intimacy inhibitor in marriage. Getting to the real problem is key in dealing with anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion, which means there’s some other emotion hidden beneath the surface.

Masked beneath anger could be:

  • Hurt
  • Rejection
  • Jealousy
  • Offense
  • Stress
  • Exhaustion
  • Insecurity
  • Fear
  • Annoyance
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • Embarrassment
  • Sadness

What’s really going on?

Anger is a sign that something is wrong.

Early in my marriage, I disguised most of my emotions with anger.  Most of my “anger” was hurt, resentment, fear, doubt and insecurity.

It was easier to be mad than to say, “I feel hurt, fearful, doubtful and insecure.”

If you want a harmonious relationship, you have to learn how to deal with the feeling the anger is masking. You won’t be able to do deal with it until you know what it is.

You have to get to the root. In the process, you may have to expose vulnerability, which isn’t always easy.

It’s possible you may not know what you’re angry about.

You may be holding resentment towards your spouse. Or you could be hurt or resentful about something that happened in your past.

Maybe you’re taking that hurt and resentment out on your husband.

Getting to the root of the problem is key in dealing with the anger and ironing out your differences in marriage.

3 ways to handle anger

When you’re feeling angry, use these steps to try to figure out what’s really going on:. Then decide on the best way to deal with it.

1. Pray

Tell God how you feel. He’ll understand. He will also help you figure out what you’re really feeling. He’ll comfort and reassure you. He may even give you a new attitude toward a situation.

2. Identify what you’re really feeling

Take some time for yourself and try to understand what you’re feeling. This may be difficult, especially if you usually use anger as your go-to emotion. Your feelings don’t have to seem rational to anyone else. If you’re feeling it, it’s worth talking about. Once you acknowledge it, it’s easier to begin to deal with it.

3. Talk it out 

Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone who can help you figure out what you’re feeling. Talk to your husband, a friend, a pastor or a therapist, if necessary. Talking is a great way to process until you’re able to identify what the real emotion is.

Before you explode next time, try to identify the emotion beneath the surface and deal with that instead.

Need skills to build emotional intimacy in your marriage?

  1. Visit my website  and  join my private Facebook group .
  2. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download  How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to being married to a man who loves and adore her. (Yes, she’s married to the same guy!) Sheila started rocking her marriage when she learned to translate timeless truths into practical skills.

She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach,speaker and a writer who equips women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. 

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.


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